Eoin Colfer - Supernaturalist.pdf

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THE
SUPERNATURALIST
Eoin Colfer
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CHAPTER 1: Cosmonaut Hill
Northern Hemisphere, soon
SATELLITE City. The City of the Future, proclaimed the billboards. A metropolis completely
controlled by the Myishi 9 Satellite hovering overhead like a floating man-of-war. An entire city
custom-constructed for the third millennium. Everything the body wanted, and nothing the soul
needed. Three hundred square miles of grey steel and automobiles.
Satellite City. A supercity of twenty-five million souls, each one with a story more heartbreaking
than the last. If it's happy ever afters you want, stay away from the city of the future.
Take Cosmo Hill, for example, a nice enough boy who never did anything wrong in his short
existence. Unfortunately this was not enough to guarantee him a happy life, because Cosmo Hill
did not have a sponsor.
And in Satellite City, if you didn't have a sponsor, and they couldn't trace your natural parents
through public record DNA files, then you were sent to an orphanage until you reached
adulthood. And by that time you were either dead or the orphanage had fabricated a criminal
record for you so you could be sold to one of the private labour prisons.
Fourteen years before we take up the thread of this story, baby Cosmo was discovered swaddled
in an insulated Cheery Pizza envelope on Cosmonaut Hill in Moscowtown. The state police
swabbed him for DNA, searched for a match in the Satellite mainframe and came up blank.
Nothing unusual about that, orphans turn up every day in the city. So the newly christened
Cosmo Hill was dipped in a vaccine vat and sent on a tube to the Clarissa Frayne Institute for
Parentally Challenged Boys. Freight class.
Satellite City was not part of any welfare state, so the institutions had to raise funds any way
they could. Clarissa Frayne's speciality was product testing. Whenever a new modified food or
untested pharmaceutical product was being developed, the orphanage volunteered its charges as
guinea pigs. It made perfect financial sense. The orphans got fed and cleaned, and the Frayne
Institute got paid for the privilege.
Cosmo received his schooling from education software, his teeth were whiter than white and his
hair was lustrous and flake-free, but his insides felt like they were being scoured with a
radioactive wire brush. Eventually Cosmo realized that the orphanage was slowly killing him. It
was time to get out.
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There were only three ways out of Clarissa Frayne: adoption, death or escape. There was zero
chance that he'd actually be adopted, not at his age. Truculent teenagers were not very popular
with the childless middle classes. For years, he had cherished the dream that someone would
want him; now it was time to face facts.
Death was much easier to achieve. All he had to do was keep on doing what he was told, and
his body would give up in a matter of years. The average life expectancy of an
institutionalized orphan was fifteen years. Cosmo was fourteen. That left him with less than
twelve months before the statistics said his time was up. Twelve months to plan for the final
option. The only way he was getting out of Clarissa Frayne alive: escape.
At the Clarissa Frayne Institute for Parentally Challenged Boys, every day was basically the
same. Toil by day, fitful sleep by night. There were no days off, no juvenile rights. Every day
was a work day. The marshals worked the orphans so hard, that by eight p.m. most of the boys
were asleep standing up, dreaming of their beds.
Cosmo Hill was the exception. He spent every moment of his waking life watching for that one
chance. That split second when his freedom would beckon to him from outside an unlocked
door or an unguarded fence. He must be ready to seize that moment and run with it.
It wasn't likely that his chance would come on this particular day. And even if it did, Cosmo
didn't think he would have the energy to run anywhere.
The no-sponsors had spent the afternoon testing a new series of antiperspirants. Their legs had
been shaved and sectioned with rings of tape. The flesh between the bands was sprayed with
five varieties of antiperspirant, and then the boys were set on treadmills and told to run. Sensors
attached to their legs monitored their sweat glands, determining which spray was most effective.
By the end of the day, Cosmo had run ten kilometres and the pores on his legs were inflamed
and scalding. He was almost glad to be cuffed to a moving partner and begin the long walk back
to the dormitory.
Marshal Redwood ushered the boys into the dorm. Redwood resembled a waxed gorilla, with
the exception of a red quiff which he toyed with constantly.
'Now, boys,' said Redwood, unlocking one pair of cuffs at a time. 'There's a game on tonight
that I am very interested in seeing. As a matter of fact, I bet a few dinars on the outcome. So if
you know what's good for you
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