He tasted of cigarettes and sex, his lips softer than you�d imagined. You blamed it on drugs and alcohol, and there certainly were plenty available at the Kinney loft on that fateful night�the day John-John�s plane went down all those years ago. He blamed it on drugs and alcohol. Only trouble was, he was telling the truth. That was the first time you tasted his lips, that one tiny, drunken and undoubtedly forgettable brush of lips that lasted perhaps a millionth of a second. Forgettable to him, at least. Brian Fucking Kinney. Sex God Extraordinaire. The most sought-after fag on Liberty Avenue. In Pittsburgh even. The one everyone wanted. The one who could score any trick he wanted on any night of the week. The first time you almost nearly but not quite got the chance to step inside his swirling orbit of sex and heedless sensuality. And the last. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket It was easy to resent him. He was the asshole who didn�t give a shit about anyone but himself. He got on your last fucking nerve with his know-it-all, smug, superior attitude. He could ream you out and pull you apart and bring you down to earth with a stone-cold smile and a heartless sneer fixed on his beautiful face. He could crucify you with words without even blinking and you couldn�t believe his audacity. You wondered how he�d feel if life dealt him a particularly harsh hand one day and he was knocked down a few notches. You wondered how you�d feel if you were there to witness this event. You thought you�d probably feel pretty damn good. After all, you felt he deserved it for his hedonistic lifestyle and you deserved it for your lack thereof. You never thought this wish would come to bite you in the ass. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket He had one weakness, and that was ass. Blond boy ass, in particular. Which was funny because he�d never gone for chicken in all the years you�d known him so it was hard to think of that pretty little blond twink as anything other than a teen stalker when he first showed up at the scene. And then refused to leave. He followed him around like an eager puppy everywhere he went and caused you and your friends endless hours of mocking hilarity and laughs at the thought of Brian Kinney being stalked by jail-bait. He lived sex, breathed it, excelled at it, owned it, and obsessed over it with much self-possession, but this was the first time you�d seen him captivated with a 17-year old blond bombshell. Because you had to admit this whether you wanted to or not: the boy was beautiful indeed. You liked to think the King�s reputation was at stake at the constant teen-baggage he carried around with him because he complained about it like it was some huge albatross around his neck but it only seemed to enhance it further. Brian Kinney was wanted by studs and young meat alike: this was the message the bombshell�s devotion seemed to send to the masses. And you thought some bastards had all the luck. Then prom happened and an asshole student bashed the kid�s head with a baseball bat and everything changed. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Or perhaps nothing did. Because Justin lived. And despite the fact that Brian had never visited him even once in the hospital when he was hurt, despite the fact that he�d been drugging and tricking as if nothing had happened, when Justin came out of rehab, he went straight after Brian like a moth goes to the flame. Because like a moth is addicted to the sight of the bright, shiny flame, Justin was addicted to the sight and taste of Brian Kinney. And you knew that would be his downfall. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket He was all about the image. Making ads was what he did for a living and he apparently did it better than anyone else you knew because he was the most successful sonofabitch you�d ever come across. But then selling sex to the ignorant slobbering masses with deep wallets and perpetual hard-ons couldn�t have been that big a deal. After all, �sex sells� was a notion well-understood by the world at large and who better to sell it than Brian Kinney himself. Despite your intense resentment of his exploits, in your most private moments, you wondered what it would be like to be Brian Kinney for just a day. After all, it was his looks that gave him his confidence and his confidence that made him such a successful stud, and all of it was wrapped up in his image. Your attempts to emulate him ended in private ridicule and you were at least glad he hadn�t been there to laugh at you himself. You didn�t think you could stand the humiliation. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket But it was all well and good to ridicule him when the tide turned. It was easy to laugh off the farce that was his relationship with Justin after the kid publicly humiliated and left him for greener pastures. That was the kind of brought-down-to-earth lesson you�d been waiting for. However, you doubted he felt anything other than mere relief for having finally rid of his teen stalker. After all that�s what Michael�s mantra had been for the last 2 years: Justin was just a trick that had overstayed his welcome. You had no reason to think otherwise. Mel said she didn�t understand why Lindsay always took his side. Brian Kinney was, after all, a remorseless, self-gratifying, depraved asshole who was a bad influence for not only someone as young and impressionable as Justin � thank God the kid had finally woken up and moved on � but also for his own son � who was lucky to have two loving parents who wanted him and hadn�t given him up because they were too busy fucking nameless strangers in sex clubs every night. You weren�t sure she was being completely forthright with her declarations � there were many things off with the picture she painted � but you agreed with her anyways. It was far more entertaining to rag on Brian Kinney than it was to pull for him, and she was upset enough with you anyways that you didn�t want to incur any more of her wrath. After all, (only) she knew you�d once again kept Brian Kinney as the executor of your living will and as always she failed to understand your reasons for doing something so stupid. You weren�t sure you understood it yourself. But for whatever reason, he was still the only one amongst your circle of friends (if friend was indeed the right word for Brian Kinney) that you trusted with your life and death decisions. You�d once told him it was because he was a heartless bastard and he'd believed you. What you never told him was that despite his heartlessness, he was still the strongest person you knew and would always be the first one to have the balls to make the right decision when it was crunch time. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket The on-again/off-again Brian/Justin drama soon resumed its latest installment. The teen stalker was back again and this time the King didn�t seem to worry about who thought what of whom he was fucking with the nonstop PDAs the two of them indulged in at Woody�s and at Babylon and at the Diner and in the streets around Liberty Avenue. Justin seemed different this time, older, more confident, somehow surer of his place in Brian Kinney�s life. You missed most of the hoopla, though, because you were stuck in a nightmare of your own this time. He had no reason to save your ass from Stockwell after your porno kingdom was taken away from you by bigots and homophobes of the world. But he did. But the downward spiral had begun and no help from the people around could get you out of the quicksand. You sunk quickly. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket He had no reason to offer you a job after you�d ruined your life with crystal and lost everything you�d owned either. But he did that as well. While you were thrown shipwrecked and defenseless on the shores of obliteration, he�d apparently gone through a financial whirlwind of his own, but of course like the lucky fucking bastard he was, he�d survived it with aplomb. He said it was logical for him to trust his fledgling business affairs with the same someone he trusted his personal financial affairs with. And you thought of the day John-John�s plane had gone down and you�d gone to the loft to discuss his books with him and had nearly almost but not quiet stepped inside his swirling orbit of sensuality. Then you thought of five thousand dollars that had gone missing from a baby�s college fund and remembered tweaked out crystal queens and wasted weekends filled with drugs and debauchery that had taken you down into the depths of depravity. And promised yourself that one day, when you didn�t hate yourself this much, when the time was right, and when you had enough courage to face your own pathetic past, you�ll sit down with him and tell him the whole truth. Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket His fledgling business had barely gotten off to a shaky start when he told you about the cancer. You�d seen and experienced the worst in humanity in the last few months of your life but you�d never had anyone close to you be so deathly ill. Because he was not only ill but scared too, even if he denied it to his last choking breath, and that realization filled you with a fear you�d never felt before. Brian Kinney was afraid of this disease that was eating him from the inside. He was no longer perfect. He was flawed, human. Just like the rest of you. The three times-a-week radiation schedule peaked him out and left him tired and listless and barely functioning. So each day at 12:15 noon you found yourself making your way into his office and getting him into his coat and ordering a cab for him so that he could go home and rest. He never protested and you didn�t know if it was a good thing or bad. Justin was by his side const...
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