Unexpected.doc

Title: Unexpected
Category: Books » Twilight
Author: ooohlalaaa
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M
Genre: Romance/Humor
Published: 03-30-09, Updated: 09-02-09
Chapters: 20, Words: 77,927

Chapter 1: News & Tattoos

BPOV

Rosalie, Alice and I had been friends since we were five.

We did everything together, and we always had. We had no secrets, we bickered but never fought, and we were each other’s constant support systems. The three of us were more than just friends; we’d become sisters.

Our junior year of college seemed to be progressing normally, so when I got home that afternoon and Rosalie told me her unexpected news, I was completely shocked.

Our lives were about to be thrown completely out of whack.

"Fuck. Oh, fuck, I'm so nervous."

Alice and I looked up from the coffee table at each other, eyebrows raised. Rosalie went on, mumbling profanities to herself as we stood there and waited.

Apparently this was something that best friends did with each other.

"How long do these things take?" I asked, getting restless. Rosalie shoved the instruction sheet into my chest rougher than necessary, making me stumble. "Ohhh-kay," I mouthed. "It says five minutes."

We stood there silently, all contemplating what this meant for us. My main concern was our new townhouse. We'd just moved in, and it only had three bedrooms. Probably not the most important thing, but hey, I wasn't the one who screwed my life up. Rosalie was probably contemplating suicide.

"Look, it's changing!" Alice squealed, pointing at the table.

"I can't look. Oh god, I'm gonna puke. I can't do this." Rosalie turned around and walked across the room holding her forehead.

Alice picked up the stick and I leaned over her shoulder, inspecting it. I winced when I saw what it said.

"Okay, tell me," Rose shouted from the other side of the room, her back turned to us so she couldn't read our expressions.

"Uh, are you sure you don't just want to look at it yourself?" Alice asked.

She was such a better friend than I was.

"I don't know?"

"It's positive," I said, cutting to the chase.

"Bella!" Alice yelled at me and punched my arm.

"What? I think we need to focus on the important issues, instead. Like how I'm not moving out of the big bedroom." I dropped down on the sofa and propped my legs up on the ottoman. I won that shit in rock, paper, scissors fair & square.

Rosalie and Alice stared at me blankly.

"Bella, I hate you. Leave this room," Rosalie said, pointing at the door.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'll stop. Seriously, though… who's the daddy?"

For some reason that brought Rosalie to tears. Alice shrugged at me before walking over and hugging her. I sighed and tapped my hands on my knees, wondering how the hell this day turned out like this.

It started out fine. My old pick up truck actually started on the first try. The hot guy at Starbucks gave me a free muffin. Nevermind the fact that he was 15. My lit class got cancelled because my professor didn't show. All & all, it was a good day.

Then I came home to this pandemonium.

"Rose, I was just kidding about the bedroom. You and your baby can have it," I said, not fully getting why she was so upset.

That just made her cry more.

"I'm not having a baby!" She shouted, making Alice jump.

Maybe I'm immature and lacking compassion, but I was finding the whole thing to be hilarious.

Perfect, beautiful, high honor society, high school valedictorian, cheerleading / debate club captain Rosalie Hale was unmarried and preggers. Whoops.

"Okay. Before you make any rash decisions, I think you need to calm down," I told her.

If she wanted to get rid of the baby then that was her choice, but I figured she should think things through. I mean, I was a mistake, and despite the fact their relationship ended in divorce soon after, my parents kept me. And let's be real- a world without Bella would be a dull, dull place.

"Um, Rose, who's the dad?"

Rosalie looked down at Alice and shook her head.

"I can't say. It's so embarrassing."

"Just tell us," I said, trying to force it out of her. This was gonna be epic.

"It's... Emmett."

Alice and I looked at each other, our jaws hanging to the floor.

"Wait, wait, wait... You slept with Enormous Emmett?" Alice asked, completely confused.

"Not just slept with. She's knocked up with Emmett the Elephant's baby," I added, trying to stifle a laugh.

"I honestly didn't think he'd be able to reproduce. What with all the steroids and everything. I'm surprised he still has balls-"

"OKAY! Just shut up, both of you," Rosalie screamed, cutting Alice off.

"Just one more thing," I added. "You are aware that I once saw him eating hamster food, right?"

"Bella!" Alice reprimanded me.

"I'm just saying..."

I wasn't lying. I think it was freshman year as part of his hazing.

I knew it was pretty dick for me and Alice not to be more sympathetic to her situation, but it was just so bizarre. Emmett was the typical jock/frat boy. He was big and obnoxious and loud, always drunk, stupid as hell, or at least he made himself look that way. He might be considerably hot if he didn't open his mouth, but either way, Emmett was the opposite of Rosalie. And not Dad material, whatsoever. But who is at 21?

"What do I do? Do I tell him?" Rosalie asked.

In unison, I said no and Alice said yes.

"Decide what you want to do, and if you decide to keep it, then tell him."

"No, Bella, that's stupid." Alice said, shaking her head at me. "See what he has to say, then decide. What if he's supportive? What if he wants it? What if-"

I groaned and cut Alice off. "If, if, if. If my mom had balls she'd be my dad."

Rosalie blinked a couple times at me before she started cursing and praying in what I think was Latin.

"What are the chances Paul Bunyan wants a baby? Seriously, Rose. Don't tell him." I felt my advice was worth taking, but apparently Rosalie didn't.

She looked from me to Alice and then at the floor.

"Can one of you go to his house and bring him here? I don't know his number, I just know where he lives-"

"Uh... No," I said.

"Why can't you just go there and tell him yourself?" Alice asked.

"He lives with his freak of a brother and his freak of a brother's friend. It would be nightmarish to try and have a normal conversation in that house."

"I thought he lived in a frat house?" I said with a chuckle.

"He's not in the frat anymore, and shut your god damn mouth," Rosalie spat, not amused at all.

"So he ate the hamster food for no reason?"

Rosalie pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a slow, heavy breath.

That meant danger.

"Bella, you're going," she screamed, standing up from her spot on the floor. "You've done nothing except say stupid comments and be unsympathetic. Stop being a shitty best friend and just do this for me. Please."

An hour later and with a new collection of bruises on my arms, I was standing in front of Emmett the Elephant's door, hating my life. I knocked a couple of times and looked around, kind of surprised at where he lived. It was a cute condo on the water, and there were no visible homemade beer funnels or bongs on the front porch like I'd expected.

Suddenly the door flew open and a cloud of smoke appeared, like something out of friggen Cheech and Chong. There was some pretty sexy artsy dude standing there in a tight white t-shirt covered in paint. There were visible tattoos on his arms, peeking out from his sleeves. He had this crazy bronze-ish hair that stuck out all over the place and it had tiny drops of paint in it. And he had... a bong. Right there in his hands. I spoke too soon.

"Can I help you?" He asked me, raising an eyebrow and looking me up and down like I was standing there nude or something. I looked down and checked just to make sure.

"Uh... Is this the Cullen residence?"

He frowned and shook his head.

"Nope. Later."

He went to slam the door on my face but I stuck my arm out and held it open.

"I was being polite. I know this is the Cullen place, alright? Where's Emmett?"

The stoner stepped to the side and chuckled.

"You look mad."

"You look high," I retorted, waving a hand in front of my face to try and stop myself from getting a contact high.

He laughed and blew a fresh breath of smoke back in my face.

"Can you not do that? I'm here on strict business."

"Yeah, whatever," he said, dropping his neon green bong on the coffee table. "Emmett's on his way home now. You wanna wait?"

Did I want to sit and bask in this stranger's weed den while I waited for my best friend's baby daddy to come home? Fuck no. But I didn't really have a choice. Rosalie warned me that unless I wanted matching bruises on my legs and face, not to come back home without him. And she hit really hard.

"Yeah, I'll wait. Do you live here too?"

I don't know why I felt the need to make conversation with this weirdo, but I was bored so what the hell?

He looked up from a stack of newspapers he was going through and rolled his eyes at me.

"Yeah I fucking live here. This is my place. Emmett's just bunking here for a little while."

I looked around at the crazy ass decorating scheme. It looked like someone had paid for an interior decorator at a time, but there were now some very tasteful posters of half naked women and Bob Marley taped to the wall, along with a Picasso reprint, some broken X-box controllers, a neon Heineken sign, some newspaper clippings and... what I think had once been the waistband of someone's boxers. What the fuck.

There were paintbrushes and textbooks strewn around the room. Next to me was a keg that was still cold to the touch. There were DVD cases and rolling papers and bongs and beer bottles and cigarette butts and Solo cups and anything else you'd expect to find in a dirty college kid's dorm room. Except that it wasn't a freakin dorm room. No wonder Rosalie didn't want to be here. All the smoke and grime probably would've done some damage to her future baby.

Artsy pothead kid grabbed a pair of black, thick rimmed glasses off an end table and kneeled onto the floor, flattening out a wrinkled up newspaper and muttering to himself like I wasn't in the room. He was beyond odd.

"Why do you have broken X-box controllers on your wall?"

He turned his head and looked at them over his shoulder before turning back around to his newspaper.

"It's a reminder to Emmett as to what happens if he doesn't control his rage. You can sit," he said, pointing at a leather sofa covered in crap. I didn't move from where I was standing.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

He tilted his head toward me and lifted the glasses to the top of his sloppy, coppery head.

"I'm Edward Cullen."

He smirked at me and in that instant, I realized Emmett's weird ass pothead artsy brother was fucking hot. I wanted him to bend me over and violate me.

I needed help.

"Bella," I said, pointing at my chest.

"Bella." He nodded and said my name to himself and turned back toward his newspaper, clearly not interested. Okay, then.

Suddenly, I heard stampeding up the stairs outside and Emmett and some other dude that must've been Edward's weird friend came bounding through the door. The friend’s jacket was halfway off and they were both sweating.

"You lost, you fat beast! I get first dibs- why hello," weird friend said in a southern accent, winking as he spotted me.

Emmett stared in confusion.

"Are you... Rosalie's roommate?" he asked me skeptically.

"Um, yeah," I answered, walking over to him. "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"

"Ohhhhhh, sexy," weird friend said, patting Emmett on the back. Please. Like I'd ever touch that brute.

"Shut up, Jasper," Emmett said to the friend. His weird name fit him. "Anything you have to say, you can say in front of my boys."

Oh, he was gonna regret that little comment.

I turned my head to look at Edward, who'd stopped doing whateverthefuck he was doing and was staring intently. Jasper was standing next to Emmett with his arms crossed.

"Uh... Okay. Rosalie needs to talk to you-" the sound of a beer cracking open interrupted my concentration.

I turned to look at Edward again. He took a sip and waved his hands at me.

"Go on," he said. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Emmett.

"She needs to talk to you about something ASAP. She says it's urgent."

"She's pregnant," Edward said, and then he lost interest and went back to his newspaper. Dude had a serious case of ADD.

"What?" Emmett screamed, slapping his forehead. "Is it true?"

"I don't know," I spit out. Rose gave me specific instructions not to tell him anything. "I'm just the messenger-"

"She's pregnant," Edward muttered again under his breath.

I snapped my head toward him, agitated. "Will you SHUT the fuck up already?!"

He picked his newspaper up from the floor and walked down a hallway, slamming a door behind him.

“Okay,” I said to Emmett. “Don’t listen to him. Just go talk to her.”

“Alright,” Emmett said, looking like he was about to vomit or wet himself or something. Convincing him to walk to the end of life as he knew it turned out to be surprisingly easy. Then again, most guys would walk over hot lava barefoot for Rosalie.

He followed me back to our townhouse since he had no idea where we lived. Obviously. I sat in the car when I pulled up and called Alice’s phone. She let Emmett in and ran outside, sitting in the truck with me.

“I’m still not talking to you,” I said when she got in the car, crossing my arms over my chest. Alice betrayed me and made me go into that condo of horrors by myself, so she was getting the silent treatment.

“Get over it. You had to keep running your mouth, it’s your fault.”

“You don’t understand what it was like,” I said, shaking my head. “This dude cannot be a father. Their house is one giant bong, and they have underwear on the wall, and-”

“I don’t even want to know,” Alice said, sighing.

“I must admit, although he’s a little odd, Emmett’s brother is totally doable. Extremely doable.”

“Bella? Are you talking about the pothead? The artsy one?”

I nodded.

“Is he even straight?”

“I think so. There’s naked posters of women on the wall.”

“That means nothing.”

“He eye-fucked me when he opened the door.”

Alice shrugged and threw her feet up on the dashboard.

“He’s a weirdo and a burnout and an art major. And he looks like he smells. And I heard he had his… you know, pierced. Enough said.”

“Hmm. I’m curious to see that.”

“You’re disgusting,” Alice said, staring blankly out the window.

It couldn’t have been more than five minutes that Lurch was in the house before he ran outside and jumped into his car, peeling out of the driveway.

It didn’t seem like it turned out well.

Alice and I walked into the house to find Rosalie curled up in a ball on the living room sofa, hysterical.

“What did he do?” I asked, ready to drive back over there and give him a kick to the scrotum.

“He told me to get rid of it. That he doesn’t want anything to do with it, even if I keep it. That I’d be ruining both of our lives and-”

“Okay, get up,” I told her. I was pissed. “We’re going over there. This is not okay.”

“No, I don’t want to talk to him, I-”

“Get up.” I grabbed Rosalie’s arms and pulled her from the couch. Alice and I struggled a bit getting her to my truck, but once she was in, Alice gave her a little pep talk and by the time we got there she was ready to kick some ass.

I pushed open the door without knocking to see the three douche-kateers huddled in the living room. They stared, mouths open, as Alice pushed a teary Rosalie through the door.

“What the fuck’s your problem?” I said to Emmett.

“Mind your business,” he muttered, shaking his head.

“For future reference, it’s polite to knock before you come into someone’s house,” Edward said before walking up to us. He gave Rosalie a strange look and motioned for Emmett to walk over. “Rosalie, is it?” Rose nodded at him with a sneer. “Rosalie. Hi. I’m Edward. You shouldn’t get rid of the baby.”

“Shut the fuck up, Edward,” Emmett said, sticking out his arm and shoving him. The burnout’s equilibrium caused him to stumble a little and he gave Emmett the finger.

“I’m being serious. I was adopted. So was Emmett. Just have the baby, give it to someone else if you don’t want it.”

No one had any sarcastic remarks in response to that little statement.

Emmett grumbled something under his breath and he sighed.

“Fine, Rosalie. Do whatever you want,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Fine. I will.”

And just like that, the three of our lives somehow became intertwined with the steroid junkie, the stoner artist, and their southern sidekick.

Chapter 2: Groceries & Red Paint

thanks to the lovely ladies that reviewed. this story's gonna move kind of fast, so bear with me.

“So, please tell me how this whole thing came to be,” I said to Rosalie.

“Shut up,” Alice said, waving her hand at me. There was a “no talking during Lost” rule that she was really strict about.

“Uh… well, it was during the summer before the semester started. You guys were both still visiting your parents and I got here a couple of days before you did, so I was bored out of my mind and the girl across the street suggested we go to this party at Emmett’s… I don’t know, I got wasted and it just… happened. Really, there’s no excuse. I’m shameful.”

Shameful was putting it lightly.

“Can we discuss this later?”

“Alice, shut the hell up. We have it DVR-ed. This is more important right now.” Alice mumbled what sounded like ‘cow’ under her breath and shut the TV off. “So,” I said continuing. “I thought you were on the pill.”

“I was. But I’d been sick the week before and apparently antibiotics and birth control don’t mix.”

“Yeah, everyone knows that,” I said with a shrug. Rosalie squinted her eyes at me and I saw her fists clench. “Just kidding, it’s a… common mistake.”

She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. “So… I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Can one of you come with me?”

“What time?” Alice asked.

“Three.”

“Can’t. I have class,” she responded, tossing a piece of popcorn into her mouth.

“Bella… what about you?”

Fuck, I was free, but I was about to go sign up for an elective that I didn’t need just so I didn’t have to go. Gynecologists and babies and Rosalie scared me.

“Uh… yeah. I’ll go.”

The next day when I was driving back from class, an amazing idea popped into my head. I pulled a u-turn and started making my way toward the cannabis condo. When I pulled up to the front of the house, Smoky McBurnout was leaning against the porch railing, joint in one hand and beer in another. I guess it’s 5:00 somewhere. But he was clean today - or at least paint free- and his black t-shirt and his glasses and his fucking tattoos were so hot. My mouth was watering.

I would’ve tried to get my freak on, but Alice’s words about him being dirty and having a genital piercing were burned into my brain, and she always seemed to know what was best for me, better than I did.

“Nice truck. You should paint it,” he said, taking a gulp of his beer.

I looked back toward the street at my rusty white truck and shrugged.

“Whatever. Is… uh… Emmett here?”

“Inside,” he said, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.

“Should I go in, or do I need to knock?” I quipped. He frowned at me like he didn’t know what I was talking about. Alrighty, then.

I pushed the door open and stopped when I was halfway through, spinning back around to Edward and taking a deep breath.

“Uh, maybe you should come in here, too,” I said.

For some reason this freak was all about Rosalie keeping the baby, so I figured it would be easier to talk to Emmett if I had someone on my side. What my side was, I didn’t exactly know, but right then all I wanted to do was not have to be the one to get dragged around with Rosalie doing baby shit. Today was just the first of many, many days that were sure to come.

Edward shrugged and followed me into the house. I felt a tug at the back of my head, and when I turned around he was holding a piece of my hair.

“You have one piece that’s gold.”

“Interesting,” I said, slapping his hand away. “Can you not touch me?”

He chuckled and led the way into the living room, where Emmett was sitting on the sofa playing X-box and looking pretty bummed out. I didn’t blame him.

“Um, hey Emmett,” I said, sitting down next to him. He was wearing pajamas still- and by pajamas, I...