Contents .
INTRODUCTION + V
PART I CORE CHARACTER TRAITS
Rule 1 Be Patient • 3
Rule 2 Be Brave • 9
Rule 3 Be Giving and Appreciative • 17
Rule 4 Be Open, Honest and Sincere + 23
Rule 5 Be Self‑confident and Passionate! * 31
PART II ACTION PRINCIPLES
Action 1 Look the Part! * 43
Action 2 This is How You Talk! * 53
Action 3 Win Hearts • 61
Action 4 Touch! • 71
Action 5 Tell Her! • 81
PART III GENERAL KNOWLEDGE AND CONCLUSION
General Knowledge 1 Money and Other Influencing
Factors • 91
General Knowledge 2 Birds of a Feather Flock
Together and What Do Jerks
Know that We Don't? • 97
Conclusion: Practice and Ethics * 103
Jntroduction
There really isn't a single good source of advice which a guy can go to for matters of the heart, is there? You don't have agony aunt (uncle?) columns in men's magazines where a guy can write in and ask: "There's this cute girl I really like, but she doesn't know that I exist even though I sit next to her at work; what can I do?"
You can't run to your father (who's likely to give you a ton of fantasised bull or tell you the usual macho thing, or ask you to go and ask your mum). You can't ask your friends (who are likely to give you a ton of fantasised bull or tell you the usual macho thing, or ask you to go and ask your mum). The media will give you a warped sense of what you should do, and books just give you too much psychological mumbo jumbo.
So for many of us, when we see a girl we like, we just sort of ... well ... panic. If we are with friends, we will quickly think of some hopefully macho excuse, and not go up and talk to the girl. It works like this: your heart is pounding fast, your eyes are glued to her, you start to sweat ‑ and you say, "Nah, she's not my type."
And then there are some of us who think we know what to do, and who would like others to think that we are old pros at the game, who would actually go up and talk to the girl (bravo!). But when we open our mouths, so much sexist nonsense comes out that we make the girl want to throw her drink in our face, or scratch our eyes out. Or both.
Let's face it, guys. Most of us are clueless when it comes to women. We see these gorgeous things in their high heels, miniskirts, skin‑tight bustiers ‑ bare back, bare midrift, bare
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THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO SEDUCTION FOR MEN
shoulders; red lips, glossy hair and sexy smile, and we ... just ... die. Our minds go blank, our throats run dry, and our legs can't move. (OK, one part of us stands at attention.) (Hey! You girls put this book down. You aren't supposed to be reading this. This is a frank, honest, guy‑guy thing; come on!)
What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?
After hearing countless complaints from my women friends (if I was paid a buck for every time I heard one of them say, "Guys are so hopeless", I wouldn't have to work anymore), and after seeing so many of my guy friends get their eyes scratched out, I decided it was time to write the essential `Basics' book to seduction, and ways of winning a woman's heart.
What makes me an expert? Well, I'm not. A lot of advice in this book is culled from true experts who have succeeded in winning the woman of their dreams. A lot of advice and observations also come from women who have given their hearts to men who have swept them off their feet. I've learnt a lot of things along the way, and hey, if you're interested in `getting through to the other side', you'd do well to find out what I now know!
Seduction defined
Yes, sex is involved (that's to answer the question that popped right into your head when you saw the book), but it is the least important thing of all. Yes, least. And it does not even matter if it happens.
Hey, don't put the book down. Come on, give a guy a chance!
Seduction is about winning a woman completely. Winning her heart, her mind, her soul ‑ everything. You will win her so completely, that, if you wanted it, she will give you her body willingly.
If you use your seductive powers right, you will develop wonderful relationships with women. You will make them feel appreciated for being women. They won't feel as if they are just your buddies, like your other guy friends. They will feel sexy when they are around you. All your women friends will have a special place in their hearts for you.
INTRODUCTION
And you will know that. And for an expert seducer, to know that is enough. He doesn't need to go to bed with the woman to prove that he has succeeded. All he has to do is to know that if he wanted to, he can cross that line any time. That's successful seduction.
Who this Loh i5 for
This book is for every guy who has ever loved a woman, and who is still looking for his one true love.
This book is for the sensitive man of the new millennium, whom many women would fall for, but who has been left on the shelf because he has been `Missing In Action'. And for the egotistical, chauvinistic brute with B.O. who is giving all of us guys a bad name.
This book is for the man, falling in love for the first time. It is for the too‑anxious male admirer who cannot wait for all the good things to happen. And for the man who has been in a relationship for some time, and feels that there could be more.
This book is for girls to give to their boyfriends, wives to give to their husbands, parents to give to their children. It is for matchmaking agencies to issue as the standard manual to all male applicants. It is for newspapers to put on their recommended reading lists, and bookshops to build a mountain of a display with.
If you fit any of these descriptions, this book is for you!
Structure
There are three parts to this book. The first part deals with core character traits which must define the basis of who you are. The second part of the book talks about action principles, which are practical suggestions about what you can actually do. In the third part, I talk generally about things associated with seduction to provide you with more information to complete the picture.
OK; not to bore you with too many technical things ‑ we are off. Brace yourself. You will realise that many of the things
which you thought were the right things to do actually are not. And you may cringe at some of the suggestions here. Also, most of you will not have a lot of experience following some of the instructions here, so it's going to seem weird the first few times you try.
But if you're tired of constantly seeing scum win the fair ladies in your life, it's time to grit your teeth, take a huge breath, and say, "Damn it, enough is enough. It's my turn now!"
If you've done that, well ... here we go!
Part I
Be Patient Patient
Patient
Ha! Surprised, aren't you? You thought you were going to learn things that would help you bed women at the snap of your fingers, weren't you? Well, it doesn't work that way. True seduction is an art, and it takes a lot of time to do it right. Anything that's worth anything usually does. Good food, fine wine, getting your Harley in shape.
A true artist is disdainful of anything that happens quickly. There would not be much thought put into it. There would be no agony, no inspiration, no delicate touch of sensitivity. Even if the end result from a quick work chances to be beautiful, the artist will not be proud of it, because he did not create it. He was simply lucky.
And `lucky' you will sometimes get if you are the indiscriminate sort who goes after anything in a skirt. Most guys I know who do this accept that, statistically, out of every ten women they approach, nine are likely to turn them down. They just live for the thrill of that one time.
If you are interested in that kind of thing, you don't need any skills. All you need is some presentable clothes, a really good hair gel, enough money to buy someone a drink, etc. If you are a handsome devil, or if you are dripping with money, your statistical average should be good. If you are plain looking
and have no money ‑ well, you are still going to get lucky, but maybe you'll just hit one in a hundred!
Getting lucky from picking up girls is not what seduction is about. There is no craft there. These girls are looking for the same action you are, and when you approach the `right' girl, in economic terms, we say that you are able to achieve `a mutual coincidence of wants', and barter is transacted.
At the end of that trade, you would still hardly know the person, nor the other person, ‑ you. And there is no sustainability. The next time you meet the same person, she may not be inclined to be with you again. The thrill she was after to be with someone new is gone (unless you are an Olympic athlete in bed ‑ but that's a subject for other books, not this one).
Seduction is not about that. As I said in the introduction, it is about winning a woman totally ‑ her heart, mind and soul. It's about getting to know her really well. Her deepest desires, her darkest secrets, her wildest fantasies. Her hopes, dreams, beliefs and fears. Once you know her that well, and she knows and feels that you do, then one light touch from you, a gesture as simple as holding her hand, can send waves of electricity through her body. This will send so much natural Dopamine into her brain that she achieves a high greater than sex or alcohol. And she will pine for you constantly to feel that high again and again.
And that takes time!
Wen to be Patient
When you first meet a girl to whom you are attracted (and you have plucked up the courage to speak to her and ask her out), you are going to be very anxious for all the good things to happen quickly. You can think of nothing but her, and you long to call her, to see her, to hold her, to kiss her.
This may cause you to make demands on her which she may not be ready for. She may feel that you are coming on
4
RULE I i‑,~> BE PATIENT
too strong. If you persist, you will put her off, and she will avoid you. That is likely to make you even more anxious, and to pester her. She will feel even more turned off, and a most unpleasant vicious cycle will start. It will end quickly too, when she loses all her patience and tells you never to call again.
So here, be patient! You have to give her time to get to know you, be comfortable with you, and learn to like you. You also need time to practise the skills in this book, and let her see what a master you are in treating a girl right!
If you are able to temper your anxiety and over‑enthusiasm, you will give your lady love a more comfortable atmosphere to get to know you better. And if you do the things suggested in this book correctly, she will be eager to get to know you. At that time (and this book will tell you when that time is!) you can move in and razzle‑dazzle her with the rest of your seduction skills!
Being patient also allows you time to get to know the girl. If you are able to rein in your initial excitement, you will be less likely to be so blinded by the superficial things about her that you do not see the other things which may be more important. If you succeed in winning her right from the beginning, and you make commitments to each other and all that, you may realise after a while that she really isn't right for you. And then you'll have a load of problems which you can live without.
So patience, besides helping you get the girl you like, also helps you stay out of trouble with girls whom you don't really like, but are just physically attracted to!
Other Situation]
Sometimes you meet a wonderful girl who will tell you clearly,
"I like you, I do. But I feel that you are coming on too strong.
Can we slow down a little"
If you let your pride get hurt and your ego speak, you are going to say something like, "If you don't want to go out with
me just say so. Don't play these games with me." If you do that then you would be doing a stupid thing. All she is asking for is some time, and you are throwing in a grenade and blowing everything to smithereens.
In today's world, the ladies are as busy as we are, and they have many commitments. Sometimes when you ask a girl out and she says "I'm busy", she could very well be just busy. She is not playing games. If you are able to graciously accept that (and contrary to conventional macho thinking, there is no indignity in accepting that someone can't go out with you when she is busy), and ask her again some other time, you would still have a pretty good chance.
If you try several times and she is busy all the time, you can very patiently tell her, "I think you are really nice and I would like to go out with you. Will you give me a chance?"
If she says, "I don't really want to go out on a date right now," which, translated, means that she doesn't want to go out with you, what do you do? You can be angry and slam the phone down, and be hurt, and say nasty things about her afterwards. Or you can be patient, and wait. Four months later, come back with renewed enthusiasm. Send her flowers, go to her office and ask her out in person; write her nice letters. She may feel differently after four months. My experience has been that most of the time, this is the case. But most of the time, the guy's ego has been so hurt that he cannot bring himself to talk to the girl again.
The expert seducer is a patient man. The rash impulsive man who is prone to anger and petty temper never gets the woman he wants.
More (complex Situation
There are so many complicated situations in real life.
• She has a boyfriend.
• She is so blinded by another man's power, riches, fame,
RULE 1 E~> BE PATIENT
talent and good looks that she doesn't realise that you exist.
• She is Venus incarnate, and she has 25 men falling over
themselves to ask her out.
• She feels she is not ready to just go with one guy.
• She's just got out of a very bad relationship.
• She's 1.8 metres tall and she doesn't like short men.
And so on. In all of these situations, patience is the key. No matter how charming, debonair, sensitive, humorous, or exciting you are, you are not going to win the lady over in a short time.
onclusion
I don't mean that you should wait senselessly for your lady love to come around. I am saying that you should constantly make your presence felt, but not make any demands on her until she is ready. Because you are constantly around, many things will happen at the subconscious level. She will get used to you being around. She will start to talk to you more and confide in you more. And if you are the one who is constantly there to reassure her and appreciate her, she will fall for you.
Psychology identifies what is referred to as the `exposure effect', which describes that we will grow to like something simply because we encounter it every day. For example, have you purchased a watch, a car, or a sculpture that you thought was ugly the first time you saw it? Did you, after a while of living with it, begin to think that it actually doesn't look so bad? Well, that's the exposure effect at work. If you can create a situation where you can meet her every day ‑ like maybe go to work together ‑ it would really move things along for you.
You may not bowl your lady love over at your first few meetings, but you need to stick around, and be patient with what you expect from her. And if you practise the rest of the
character traits and skills in this book correctly, she will come around.
And man, when she comes around, it will be so much more delicious because you have waited for so long!
8
Be shameless! There is no room for the faint‑hearted in the business of seduction! You need a strong stomach, and balls!
OK, it is easier said than done. When we are in the presence of a woman we find attractive, our knees become weak and the pounding in our heads make thinking of intelligent things to say difficult. We may normally be suave, amiable chaps and great conversationalists, but in the presence of beauty, either gibber comes out or, for some strange reason, we put on an accent and say the most outrageous Hollywood lines.
Some of us are so afraid of speaking to women we are attracted to that we stay far away from them (and end up marrying women we are not attracted to because, passive cowards that we are, we are `caught' and `trapped' by these aggressive women).
Some of us are always waiting for the right time (and there are always such good reasons for why `now'). We could have the very inspiration of our nightly dreams go by us every day, and still we sit on our hands and do nothing. Until, alas, the situation is taken out of our hands and the motivation for our getting up every morning is won by some other guy. We look at this other guy and think, "I don't know what she sees in him. I'm better than him in every way."
So now it is time to be brave! And I am going to tell you how and when!
Now, in the game of seduction, courage is called for most definitely at the beginning, when you want to get to know the girl. It is also required when you are competing with others to win her heart. Let's deal with the first situation.
it toe Initial Meeting You Don t Dare
to Spear to Her Because ...
... You don't know What to Jay
By this, I mean that you actually do want to speak to the girl, but you do not know how to make conversation, and you are afraid of saying something stupid. For this, read the chapter `Talk!' for ideas on what to say. But what I want to emphasise here is that you can forget about the flashy Hollywood lines. You may think that you have to come up with the most impressive line in order to impress the girl, and you rack your brain for every clever pick‑up line that you have ever heard. (One bad example: "You have to tell me your name, because last night in my dreams I could only call you `baby'!")
And you panic! You start to put so much pressure on yourself to come up with wonderful things to say that you become tense! And then either you are too paralysed to do anything, or you quickly blurt out the last line which was on your mind (usually the worst line).
A tense man trying to appear `smooth' is like a man with a full bladder stuck in a yoga meditation class. It doesn't work.
Being brave here doesn't mean that you have to overcome the tension and see your clever lines through. Being brave here means that you have to risk saying the most mundane lines; lines they taught you in kindergarten, such as, "Hi, how do you do?"; "Nice to meet you"; "My name is Michael, what's
10
RULE 2 * BE BRAVE
yours?"; "Would you like to dance?"; "That's a very pretty watch, is it a Timex?"; or "Mind if I join you?" Believe me, these work! As long as you are comfortable saying it, you'll be OK. With these lines, you can get your foot in the door with few problems, and it puts the girl at ease too. She doesn't have to try and think of some clever retort to your witty lines.
What do you do after breaking the ice? Well, read the rest of this book!
Remember what you read in `Be Patient'? You learnt that you are not going to sweep the woman off her feet the first moment you speak to her. Forget the Hollywood scenes. To seduce a woman properly, a lot of effort and planning are involved. Don't expect too much from the first encounter. In fact, even if, like in Hollywood, the woman finds you so attractive that she throws herself at you, don't accept her affections (it'll drive her crazy and make you seem even more desirable).
So, that should bring the tension down a little, and make going up to speak to the girl a lot easier, right? All you want to do is to let her know that you exist, and then you can go. The next time you see her, she won't be a complete stranger and you will be able to talk more comfortably, and vice versa. If you two hit it off well the first time, arrange to meet another time. But, do not let there be a long lapse of time between encounters.
You are afraid the might find you boring
You are afraid...
Suryamitra