Four Letter Words Prompt #20 - Love Title: Four Letter Words Rating: NC-17 Summary: There were plenty of four letter words that he never thought twice about saying, but there was only one that he could hardly even think without feeling both terrified and ridiculous. Genre: Smutty fluff Relationship: Roy/Ed Warnings: Ed's Language and Explicit Scenes Length: Approx 3700 words Status: One shot. Complete. Author's notes: A little present of fluff to myself after a week of computer problems. I hope you enjoy this little snippet, and thank you for reading! Edit: And half sentences are now fixed. Stupid computer. Four Letter Words Ed jumped down from the train and shivered hard, narrowing his eyes against the chilly air. The engine clanked and steamed as it waited patiently for its passengers to alight. There were not many at this time of night, and the platform was almost deserted. 'Fuck, it's freezing,' he hissed to himself as he hurried through the station and clattered down the steps to the street. Without thinking, he moved his suitcase to his automail hand so he could bury his flesh fingers in the pocket of his coat. For over five weeks he had been near Creta on a pointless assignment. Still, down south the summer lingered and autumn had not yet caught the land in its grasp. Here, in Central, it felt like winter was already howling through the city. When he left there had still been some leaves on the trees. Now naked branches, bone-white in the moonlight, rattled in the wind. He hesitated at the bottom of the station steps as he tried to decide which way to go. Looking left, he sighed, knowing that he should go back to the apartment that he shared with Al and let his little brother know he was all right. That was the way things used to be. Al had always come first but, now that he had his body back, it was as if a whole new world had opened up to both of them. These days there was more to life than each other, and Ed let a smile tug at his lips as he thought of who else was waiting for him. Al would understand. Besides, Ed had managed to catch an earlier train. No one thought he would be back until the morning. These few, precious hours were his alone, and he knew just who he wanted to spend them with. Roy. Turning right, Ed hunched his shoulders against the wind as his brow wrinkled into a frown of thought. Sometimes he still struggled to believe that they were together, that it was not all just some kind of lust-fogged hallucination. At first it had been wild and incredible, fierce and desperate. It was like the storm of need had been building between them forever and now, finally, the rains had come and there was nothing but release. Even now a hot knot of desire twisted in Ed's stomach, and his mouth went dry at the thought of Roy's heavy weight over him. It was just sex. That was what he had told himself. Inappropriate sex, which somehow made it even better, but nothing more. It was physical. Skin to skin and unstoppable. Whenever they got too close they ended up pressed against each other, sharing hungry kisses and dragging touches and tight, wanting breaths as if they couldn't resist each other. Emotions did not come into it. Except that, as days became weeks became months, he kept forgetting that. He found himself snorting with laughter at something Roy said and getting through entire conversations without wanting to punch his smug face. They started spending time together and doing things other than fucking. Admittedly, that normally happened in the end, but Ed found himself enjoying just sitting next to Roy. It was easy to curl up in his arms as they talked about stuff at the office or some kind of alchemy or stupid, inconsequential things that seemed important even though they weren't. Ed sighed, his breath clouding the air in front of his face. It was meant to be a secret, had to be, because he still had another eleven months left on his contract. If anyone high-ranking found out that he was sleeping with his superior officer then the shit would really hit the fan. Al knew, which Ed should have expected. He hadn't said a word about it, but his little brother was not stupid. When Ed had started not coming home some nights and spending weekends elsewhere, Al just smiled, told him to be careful and to say hello to Roy. Ed paused on the curb, waiting for a car to go past before he crossed the road. Once he was out of the military then he would tell Al straight, would admit out loud... . What? That he was sleeping with a man more than ten years older than him? Well, it was true, but there was more to it than that. It wasn't only about warm skin and thudding pulses and pleasure any more. It was no longer about fulfilling a need. It was about making a conscious choice to spend time together. It was about sharing everything, the good and the bad. Once, he would have turned to Al with anything worth saying, but now his first thoughts were of Roy. Ed trusted him, and even if a small part of him kept saying that Roy was still the smug, manipulative, arrogant git that he had always been, another part said, But he's mine. Somehow, that made all the difference. He knew what to call it, too, this feeling, and it scared the shit out of him. There were plenty of four letter words that he never thought twice about saying, most of which would earn him a beating from Teacher, but there was only one that he could hardly even think without feeling both terrified and ridiculous. Love. The heat of a blush battled the cold air that scoured his face, and he groaned aloud. No one ever taught you about it. No one ever said: 'This is what love is, and it's great and scary as hell'. No one ever explained how to say it without sounding like a complete idiot. It was like a huge secret that everyone knew but never spoke about. His mother's devotion to his bastard father had been pure and unconditional. She had been so trusting, and maybe it was seeing that faith shattered apart that made Ed so afraid to utter the words. He loved Al, but he never had to tell him that. They were family; of course they loved each other. Except that Roy wasn't family, and that meant he had to be told whether Ed was scared or not. It could not be hidden. He half-suspected that Roy felt it in every kiss and touch and moment, but that meant it was something nebulous and unacknowledged, and that wasn't right. It had to be spoken to make it real for both of them, otherwise it was nothing but a thought in Ed's head. 'For fuck's sake,' Ed muttered to himself as his thoughts became more and more panicked. 'Don't even blink at a chimera but I'm scared of this.' There had been too much free time to think about it ? too many empty hours for his mind and heart to return to Roy while his body was stuck on the Cretian border. Every spare second he came back to it, and every time the uncertainty intensified. The weird thing was that he wasn't afraid that Roy did not feel the same way. It would be fucking humiliating, but he could live with that if he had to. He was scared because of what it meant. It wasn't just words. It was heart and soul and future and everything. It was taking a deep breath and admitting that, yeah, he was more in Roy's power than ever before. It was confessing that, while he might only half-listen to orders and always bend the rules, when it came to the two of them he would do everything he could to meet Roy's needs and stay by his side no matter what. It was giving every little part of yourself to someone else and trusting them to treasure the pieces, not throw them away. Ed blinked in surprise, staring at the neat little path that led to Roy's front door. He had not even realised how much time had passed. He'd lost himself in his thoughts before, but a year ago they would have been about alchemy: arrays and energy and the next leap in understanding. It was strange how quickly change could happen, as swift as the flick of a coin, and suddenly everything was different. The wrought iron gate moved smoothly on its hinges as he pushed it aside and walked up the path, the newly formed frost crunching under his boots. The house was mostly dark, but he could see a mellow, hearty light from the living room window, and he knew that Roy had lit a fire in the hearth. Smoke curled softly from the chimney, faint white against the night sky, and Ed hesitated, thinking of another four letter word he rarely let himself say. Home. Groping in his pocket, he grabbed the key that Roy had given him and slipped it into the lock, hearing the tumblers snick quietly open before he pushed his way inside. The hallway was dark and quiet, and Ed cocked his head to one side, listening to the tiny, normal sounds that filled the night. In the corner the clock ticked quietly, its hands charting away the last hour before midnight. In the kitchen the tap was dripping, and behind all that was the occasional sharp pop of the fire in the living room. There was no sign of Roy, and Ed quietly put his suitcase down and shrugged out of his coat, leaving them in a heap before he crept forwards. Peering around the door, he grinned at the sight. Roy was in the armchair, a book hanging from limp fingers and an almost-empty tumbler of whisky on the table at his side. A thick, feather-stuffed quilt was in a pile at his feet, as if he had buried himself in its depths only to have it slip away while he slept. Silently, Ed crept across the floor, his bootsteps muffled by the thick carpet as he inched closer. Roy slept on, not even stirring as, very carefully, Ed climbed onto the armchair until his knees were either side of Roy's hips and his hands were pressed into the the cushion just above Roy's shoulders. The smell...
Mojaunicorn