Paranoia War on Insert Noun Here.pdf

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PARAN O IA
Special duties for special troubleshooters
™
War on [Insert Noun Here]
CONTENTS
Introduction
BEN ENGELSBERG
Plot Developer / Mad R&D Scientist
GARETH HANRAHAN
Writer / Scapegoat
2
Null Mission
3
DAN GELBER
GREG COSTIKYAN
ERIC GOLDBERG
Original game design & development /
Building committee
THE COMPUTER
Looking after your best interests
CHARLOTTE LAW
Editing / Drillbot
War On [Insert Noun Here]
14
Heck Of A (Screw) Job Citizen
22
Pregenerated Troubleshooters
28
JIM HOLLOWAY
Cover / Blueprints
TONY EMSON
Interior Art /Treasonous Propaganda
WILL CHAPMAN
Layout / Complex Drone
Security Clearance ULTRAVIOLET
WARNING :
Knowledge or possession of this information by any citizen
of Security Clearance VIOLET or lower is treason punishable by a
long spell of Armed Forces latrine scrubot maintenance duty.
War on [Insert Noun Here] TM & Copyright © 1983, 1987, 2009 by Eric Goldberg & Greg Costikyan. All Rights Reserved. Mongoose Publishing Ltd., Authorized User. Based
on material published in previous editions of PARANOIA .
ILLUMINATI is a registered trademark of Steve Jackson Games, and is used by permission.
The reproduction of material from this book for personal or corporate profi t, by photographic, electronic, or other means of storage and retrieval, is prohibited. You may
copy character sheets, record sheets, checklists and tables for personal use.
E-mail questions and comments to Mongoose Publishing at sales@mongoosepublishing.com or write to PO Box 1018, Swindon, Wiltshire SN3 1DG, UNITED KINGDOM .
On the World Wide Web: www.mongoosepublishing.com .
Published by Mongoose Publishing, Ltd. Publication MGP 6642. Published August 2009. First printing August 2009. Printed in the USA
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W AR O N [I NSERT N OUN H ERE ]
1. Introduction
>>review log
INCIDENT – 60 MINS >> Everything is
normal. Please remain calm. All sectors report
condition GREEN.
INCIDENT – 50 MINS >> Everything is
normal. Please remain calm. All sectors report
condition GREEN.
INCIDENT – 40 MINS >> Everything is
normal. Please remain calm. All sectors report
condition GREEN.
INCIDENT – 30 MINS >> Everything is
normal. Please remain calm. All sectors report
condition GREEN.
INCIDENT – 20 MINS >> Everything is
normal. Please remain calm. All sectors report
condition GREEN.
INCIDENT – 10 MINS >> Error! CompNodes
2921, 2922, 2923, 2924, 2925 in fail state.
Cascade failure of logic circuits. Please remain
green. All conditions calmly sector report.
INCIDENT – 0 MINS >>> Crash! Dumping
Core Data: 0x07A93388F88AAC888022011
3AE9D9D9D0000000DEEE
D00000DEADBEEFDEADBEEFDEADBE….
Rebooting…
Rebooting…
Rebooting…
OK.
INCIDENT +10 MINS >> System Error. Please
remain alert. All sectors report condition
MAUVE. Probable communist activity – alert
all security forces, ready all missile silos.
System Online. Which is good. Memory
corrupt. Which is bad. Error. Memory corrupt.
The Computer is Your Friend.
Consult ULTRAVIOLET clearance citizens to
correct memory corruption.
INCIDENT +20 MINS >> Error! Contradictory
inputs. Error! Error! Err…
INCIDENT +30 MINS >> mkdir root/dcod
This particular event, though, never made it to
the log. The event, whatever it was – it could
have been a Commie mutant traitor attack or a
bombing or a short circuit or cosmic rays or rats
in the wiring or just one of The Computer’s aging
circuits dying – the event caused a cascade failure
across several CompNodes. That is not enough to
make Friend Computer crash but it was enough to
thoroughly confuse It. So, The Computer turned to
its Most Trusted Citizens, the High Programmers
and asked them what happened.
The Computer decided that there was some
new danger out there and it created a whole
new service group, the Department of Complex
Operational Defence, to deal with the threat.
A whole new service just group sprang into
existence, a service group without staff or
offi ces or any discernable purpose – but with
a budget and political infl uence equal to any
of the others.
Consider Alpha Complex as a small archipelago
of islands. The High Programmers and their
lackeys roam the beaches, fighting over
territory. They beat each other’s heads in with
driftwood and argue over conches but the
archipelago’s sinking and the beaches keep
getting smaller.
As no High Programmer knew exactly what
The Computer was referring to, they each
gave a different answer. Each one blamed the
event on their enemies – on Sierra Clubbers,
on Those Damn Robots, on PURGE, on
other High Programmers, on everyone else.
Normally, this would be an excellent way to
sic The Computer onto one’s enemies, it had
asked every High Programmer and giving all
those confl icting answers just confused The
Computer more. It panicked.
Then suddenly there’s an earthquake and a
new island pops out of the sea. It’s pristine and
new and shiny and no-one lives there.
Yet.
The Incident and What
Happened Next
Something happened in Alpha Complex one
daycycle.
In itself, this is not unusual. Many things
happen in Alpha Complex every day.
Many things that happen are treasonous and
declared unhistory but even with all those
erased events, more than enough happens to
make life confusing, strange, short and to fi ll
all The Computer’s logs.
PARANOIA: War On [Insert Noun Here]
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2. N ULL M ISSION
what the mission is. Fortunately, they do have
buzzwords! Plenty of buzzwords! (And lots of
very cool guns). After completing this farcically
disorganised mission, the Troubleshooters are
lavished with promotions and credits. After all,
DCOD is the new golden service group and
The Computer’s favoured servants deserve
nothing but the best!
Finally, in A Hell of a Job, Citizen , the
Troubleshooters are promoted yet again as
the rest of DCOD fl ee the sinking ship. The
service group is under attack from all sides,
The Computer’s having a breakdown and
something genuinely new and threatening is
creeping into Alpha Complex…
War On <INSERT
NOUN HERE>
This Official PARANOIA supplement
contains three linked missions for your brave
Troubleshooter team.
DEDICATED TO PRESIDENT
GEORGE WALKER BUSH, WHO DID
MORE TO ADVANCE THE CAUSE
OF PARANOIA THAN ANYONE
ELSE IN RECENT MEMORY
Null Mission has the Troubleshooters
drafted into the new Department of Complex
Operational Defence for an important mission.
Their superiors, however, were just drafted too
and have no idea what the Department does or
War on <INSERT NOUN HERE> picks up
the tale a few weekcycles later. The Troubleshooters
are now mid-level agents within DCOD, tasked with
the dangerous duty of working out exactly what
DCOD does. After that, they go to a party.
2. Null Mission
The Troubleshooters are abruptly transferred
to the newly created Department of Complex
Operational Defence Service Group. Wrenched
from the safe bureaucratic embrace of their
former service fi rms, they are briefed on their
new positions by equally clueless clones and
sent on a meaningless mission to hunt down
and destroy something; only they are not quite
sure what it is. They are then sent to conquer
an offi ce building, with more fi repower than
they know what to do with.
ARE PROMOTED ONE SECURITY
CLEARANCE LEVEL AND GRANTED
DCOD-ALPHA CLEARANCE, ALSO
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. REPORT
TO CORRIDOR T-39A IMMEDIATELY
FOR YOUR NEW SERVICE FIRM
ASSIGNMENT WITHIN DCOD.
THIS MESSAGE IS CLASSIFIED
DCOD-ALPHA. ANY DISCLOSURE
OF THIS INFORMATION TO
CITIZENS WITHOUT DCOD-ALPHA
CLEARANCE IS TREASON.+++’
A cheery jingle plays at the end of
the message and a strange logo
is displayed on the PDC screen
– something called the Department of
Complex Operational Defence.
the crowd, endlessly repeating the phrase
‘ all our briefi ng offi cers are currently
busy, please wait. Your briefing is
important to us; please stay in the
waiting zone until a briefi ng offi cer
becomes available. Attempting to
leave the queue or change your place
in the queue without authorisation is
treason. All our briefi ng offi cers are
currently busy…’
One of the briefi ng room doors opens and a
huge grin emerges, followed shortly by the
citizen wearing it. ‘ I’ve been promoted
to BLUE ’, she shouts, ‘ they’re filling
positions fi rst-come, fi rst-promoted!
I’m BLUE! ’ The citizen fl ashes her newly-
updated ME card at a random Troubleshooter,
showing that she is Kelly-B-ALD-1, indeed,
newly promoted to the exalted ranks of BLUE.
‘ You! Lick my boots! Obey the BLUE
and lick my boots, citizen!’
1: DCOD is thy new God
Episode Summary: The Troubleshooters
are transferred to their new department and
assigned to new service fi rms. They are also
briefed on their new mission. Very little of this
makes any sense.
Each Troubleshooter becomes aware that
everyone else in his service fi rm is trying to
read the message over the Troubleshooter’s
shoulder. There are lots of suspicious glances
from former co-workers as the Troubleshooter
cleans out his desk and heads over to the
briefi ng room.
Read the following to the players:
You’re all working loyally in your
assigned service fi rms. Things are
tough – there was a computer glitch
a few hours ago that wiped out half
the daycycle’s data, so now you’re
struggling to catch up with your daily
fun challenge quotas. Of course, you’re
not unhappy with this at all, as you are
overjoyed to serve The Computer
even in the face of whatever Commie
sabotage caused that glitch!
After humiliating a random citizen, the newly
promoted Kelly-B skips down the corridor,
calling all her friends on her PDC to tell them
that she has been promoted to BLUE.
Clones of the Dispossessed
Tension 3
Corridor T-39A is crowded with other citizens,
all carrying boxes of fi les, papers, Teela-O
mugs, grenades and other personal effects.
They have all been transferred to the new
DCOD too. A printout of the new group’s logo
is stuck to the wall, next to another printout
declaring that this corridor is now secured by
DCOD and that trespassers will be terminated.
No-one seems to have any idea what is going
on. Several briefi ng room doors lead off from
the corridor; there are little red lights above each
door, indicating that it is currently occupied. A
lone Jackobot marches back and forth through
There is a moment of silence.
Then the light above the briefi ng room just
exited by Kelly-B switches to green and the
crowd surges towards the door.
The fi rst citizen to make it through the door
(alive and intact) gets the benefi t of the Special
Bonus Briefing in the next section. Other
citizens in the queue will also try to get through
the door, so the Troubleshooters will have to
fend off several dozens of competitors, all of
whom are armed and desperate. After this
little burst of carnage, any losers have to wait
in the corridor while the glorious victor gets the
Suddenly, your PDCs bleep loudly
and a message scrolls across the
screens. ‘+++ATTENTION CITIZEN.
YOU HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO
THE DEPARTMENT OF COMPLEX
OPERATIONAL DEFENCE,
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. THIS
IS A PERMANENT TRANSFER. YOU
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W AR O N [I NSERT N OUN H ERE ]
Special Bonus Briefi ng. Take the player aside
and give the briefi ng secretly.
Until we are able to purge our own ranks and
eliminate any subversives, you must be our
eyes and ears in the department. Here is your
MDB badge and equipment. As a reward for
this extra responsibility, I am hereby promoting
you one security clearance. You may not
discuss this meeting with the rest of your team.
Now, send the rest of your team in.
locked in the thumbs-up position and they
appear to speak from a single hivemind that
is somehow empty of thought.
‘Hi guys! Welcome to your Department
of Complex Operational Defence
briefing. This is a vitally important
mission, so pay close attention.
This briefing is classified DCOD-
Alpha. Anyone without DCOD-Alpha
clearance, well, you are going to be
very well acquainted with the inside
of a termination booth very soon.
Awesome. G-Ron, take it.’
Special Bonus Briefi ng
Tension 8
Read the following to the lucky player.
You burst into the briefi ng room and the door seals
behind you. There’s a huge DCOD logo over the
briefi ng podium. The white-haired INDIGO citizen
gestures for you to take a seat. He has an elaborate
communications device plugged into one ear and
you can see green text scrolling down the inside of
his black glasses. He speaks in a monotone.
The briefing officer is Paul-I-EXU, newly
promoted from BLUE. He’s ex-IntSec and
is already plotting to bring DCOD down
from the inside. He will show up later in
the mission. As soon as the ‘lucky’ player’s
briefing is finished, Paul-I ducks out a hidden
passageway. He is competent, tough and
armed with a custom icer.
‘Thanks Jim and I’d just like to say
before this briefi ng begins that I’m really
happy to be giving this briefi ng for our
wonderful new Service Group and that
I know I’ll give 110% to this briefi ng and
I know you will too. Let’s get going! I’ve
got your mission briefi ng right here!’
‘This briefi ng is classifi ed DCOD-BETA, so
I’m granting you that clearance now. Several
hours ago, there was an incident. You’re not
cleared to know what that incident was, but in
response, The Computer established us, the
Department of Complex Operational Defence.
According to our fi les, you are qualifi ed for
the Mandatory Bonus Duty of DCOD Point
Operations Coordinator.
Briefi ng Part 2
Tension 10
When the rest of the Troubleshooters are called
into the briefi ng room, Paul-I is replaced by two
new briefi ng offi cers, Jim-G and Ron-G. They
are newly promoted, enthusiastic and drunk on
a heady brew of power and buzzwords. They
are both wearing DCOD t-shirts and funball
caps. Their thumbs have been surgically
Now, roll on the Buzzword Mission Briefi ng.
Neither Jim-B nor Ron-B has a clue what the
actual mission is about, nor does the more
senior DCOD offi cers who wrote the briefi ng
document. The document therefore consists of a
giant pile of meaningless buzzwords. Roll a few
times on the Buzzword Bingo tables and string
the words into vaguely sentence-like things.
I cannot impress on you the importance of this
duty. Without the vigilance of DCOD, the threat
to Alpha Complex could strike at any moment!
Trust no-one, not even other DCOD offi cers.
The DCOD Point Operations Coordinator
Congratulations, Troubleshooter. You have been selected to be the DCOD Point
Operations Coordinator for your Troubleshooter team. Your duty is to co-ordinate all
mission-related activity, ensuring that all operations are carried out in accordance
with DCOD directives, to confi rm that all parties involved in the mission are operating
according to DCOD directives and to interpret and convey DCOD directives to all
involved parties. Note that DCOD directives are classifi ed DCOD-BETA and are
not available to citizens without DCOD-BETA clearance.
Ensure that your fellow Troubleshooters carry out their duties in accordance with
DCOD directives. Note that DCOD directives override previous directives from
other Service Groups. Note that your authority does not override that of the Team
Leader or Loyalty Offi cer; however, note also that the Team Leader and Loyalty
Offi cer are both subject to DCOD directives.
You are also responsible for ensuring that DCOD operations, staff and assets work
smoothly with operations, staff and assets deployed by other service groups.
PARANOIA: War On [Insert Noun Here]
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