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CHANGE YOUR STORY & CHANGE YOUR LIFE:
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS & “CONSCIOUS BLAMING”
RESENTMENT IS LIKE DRINKING POISON AND
THEN HOPING IT WILL KILL YOUR ENEMIES.
—NELSON MANDELA
Everyone experiences pain, disappointment, frustration, and injustice. The difference
in the quality of our lives
ultimately is not what happens to us, but the meaning
that we give to those experiences that shape the quality of our lives.
We all know that blaming someone, resenting or hating them for anything that they’ve
done, no matter how unjust or unfair is a destructive force in our own life and growth.
Yet, so many people ind it virtually impossible to forgive or forget. What most people
are really good at is blaming—we’ve practiced those skills for years. Why? Because
in each one of us, there’s a deep fear that we’re not enough—not rich enough, smart
enough, funny enough, handsome/pretty enough, creative enough—and our fear
is that if we’re not enough, we won’t be loved. These twin fears cause us to look
for something or someone to blame whenever we have pain. Don’t get me wrong;
someone may have truly injured you physically or emotionally. But,
what if we lived
in a world where there were no victims, only volunteers?
In order to make progress, we have to divorce the story that we are a helpless victim,
which is the story behind blaming someone else for anything that happens in our life.
If we’re going to blame them for all of the bad things that have happened to us, we
have to blame them for all of the good that’s come from our interactions with them,
including all of the growth that’s a result of all of those painful interactions.
What if life was always happening
for you
not to you?
It’s an interesting way of
looking at life. To get to that point, you might irst need to use your blaming power
in a new way. Is there a signiicant event in your life—an experience, a relationship,
an interaction—that you have an extremely dificult time getting over? Something so
painful, so hurtful, that you store blame, frustration, anger, resentment or even hate
towards the event and/or that person?
One of the biggest problems we have is that we think we’re not supposed to have
problems.
Yet problems often are the way in which life or Our Creator offers us a
chance to grow spiritually, to ind a deeper meaning that frees us, not just from this
event, but any event like it that could happen in the future.
1
ANTHONY ROBBINS
CHANGE YOUR STORY & CHANGE YOUR LIFE:
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS & “CONSCIOUS BLAMING”
In order to accomplish this, I’ve created a very simple four-phase process to help you
divorce your story of limitation and marry the truth of your greater strength and power
that’s inside you. To not only forgive, but more importantly, to move on and make use
of whatever has happened in your life and for a greater good not only for yourself, but
your children, your family, and anyone who’s involved in your purpose or mission.
This four-phase process really comes down to answering a few questions that help
you to irst identify the story that may be limiting you. The story might be true, but
there’s another version of the same story. Some people’s story is that their parents
beat them and abused them, and that’s why they can never have a relationship. Other
people’s story is that their parents beat and abused them and that’s why they cherish
their relationships and have such deep and rich ones.
We change our life when we
change our story.
In Phase II, you will answer a few questions that will help you to change your story
and change your life. Phase III will help you create a new empowering story and Phase
IV is a chance for you to pay it forward, and make a difference for yourself and those
who you’ve blamed in the past.
Most importantly, if you watch the video irst, you’ll get to experience this process
irst hand—I highly encourage it, you may ind it helpful and perhaps even moving.
Enjoy and I’d love to hear your comments after you inish the process, as well as after
you do the homework going forward. This simple tool has been a great gift in so many
people’s lives, and I hope you share it with others who can make a difference.
I
YOUR OLD STORY
1
What’s an event in your past that you thought messed up
your life? What was the impact of that event on your life up
until today?
2
Who do you blame?
2
ANTHONY ROBBINS
CHANGE YOUR STORY & CHANGE YOUR LIFE:
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS & “CONSCIOUS BLAMING”
3
What do you blame them for?
4
As a result, what is the impact on your life? How has it
affected you negatively?
5
What is the signiicant core story of your life?
What needs
(certainty, uncertainty/variety, signiicance, love/connection, growth and/or
contribution) have you met by having this story? How has this story affected
your life?
6
What emotions have you lived with because of the
limitations of that story?
33
ANTHONY ROBBINS
CHANGE YOUR STORY & CHANGE YOUR LIFE:
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS & “CONSCIOUS BLAMING”
II
CHANGE YOUR STORY, CHANGE YOUR LIFE
1
If in truth, life happens for us, not to us, if everything happens for a reason, for a
purpose, and it serves us, if you could have the perspective of God, what would
you say is the good you could see in the difficulty, pain or tragedy? It’s been
said that out of injustice, good must come. What good can you pull of it right
now? How are you stronger, more caring, more loving, more passionate, more
driven, more generous, because others were not any of the above with you?
2
If your whole life had already transformed, and your life were spectacular
today, and you knew that this painful event was meant to happen, and was
there as a gift, what was the gift it brought you?
3
Go on a rant. Don’t edit yourself; speak out loud if you want, as rapidly and
intensely as you can. Answer this question: What’s complete bullshit about this
whole story that’s limited you?
44
ANTHONY ROBBINS
CHANGE YOUR STORY & CHANGE YOUR LIFE:
THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS & “CONSCIOUS BLAMING”
4
A story is nothing but a pattern of talking about the past. We tell the same
story, in the same way over and over again. It’s hard to create a new pattern
until you first destroy or “scramble” the old one. If you took an audio CD and
a needle and scribbled across it dozens of times, it will never play the same
way again, and you’d be open to listening to something new. That’s what you
have to do with your old story: Scramble it. Here’s some ways that we’d like
you to try it:
• Tell your old story as if you’re a spoiled brat – whine, stomp, pound your
firsts – I know it sounds ridiculous, but that’s the point!
• Sing the old story like a country western song. “My boyfriend left me,
and my dog did too…” ☺
• Sing the old story like a rap song.
• Say the story backwards.
Again, all of this sounds ridiculous, but if you do it over and over again, you
won’t be able to tell the story the same way and it won’t make you feel the
way it has in the past—it will free you.
III
It’s not enough to realize that our old story is one-dimensional, single perspective, and
complete bullshit; we need to replace the old story with a new, true, and empowering
story. Ironically, the antithesis of your old story is typically the truth. If your old story
was, “My mom abandoned me and left me, and that’s why I could never be happy.”
The true story is, “My mom made the best decision she could at the time, and she
showed me how to have the courage to do what’s dificult. Today, I’m a tough cookie
because I don’t break from little problems. And much of the success and happiness I
have in my life comes from my strength and my persistence.”
YOUR NEW STORY
55
ANTHONY ROBBINS
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