SPAM.pdf

24 Hour RPG

Begun 5:20 Friday the 23 rd of July

By: Charles Smith

A bomb hit or something. The world has been changed… some say awakened. Most say

hideously mutated. You don’t care. You never paid too much attention to that kind of

thing anyway. Let’s go beat up that giant lobster over there and take his stuff!

Ik q o l a r ` q fl k : SPAM is a tabletop RPG. If you don’t know what that is, stop

reading this. Right now. I don’t want to ruin your chance of ever wanting to play RPGs.

Also put this down if you only play games in which you get to take on another persona.

The purpose of SPAM is to roll up a crazy awesome mutant and then beat the (un)living

snot out of something evil (or something good, we’re not here to judge)

W e ^ q v l r k b b a q l m i^ v : All you need to play SPAM is a couple of d10s,

some d6’s, and the inclination to do something of no conceivable social value for at least

an hour.

H O W T O P i^ v : Character creation in SPAM is as easy as rolling about twelve zillion

d10’s and then writing down a bunch of things. Let’s start with…

A q q o f_ r q b p

The following are attributes that SPAM uses. If you don’t

know what attributes are, you are referred to the

introduction. I only have 24 hours which is not enough

time to explain rudimentary things to you like “what are

attributes.” You see? I’ve wasted too much time already.

Here they are:

S q o b k d q e : How badly you can lay the beatdown on

those who disagree with you, assuming of course you do

so with your fists, or possibly some sort of rock.

T l r d e k b p p : How long it’ll take someone to lay the beatdown on you when they

disagree with you, be it via rock or some class of nuclear missile.

Q r f` hk b p p : How easily you can get out of the way of a nuclear missile launched at

you by someone who disagrees with you and notices that you have enough toughness for

them hitting you with a rock to be pointless.

M b k q ^ i S q o b k d q e : How easily you can lay the beatdown (noticing a pattern

yet?) on people who disagree with you, assuming that you have some sort of mental

power. If you don’t, you can use it to win science fairs and other crap no one cares about.

M b k q ^ i T l r d e k b p p : How long it’ll take someone to melt your brain. This is a

surprisingly common occurrence in SPAM.

M b k q ^ i Q r f` hk b p p : How intelligent you are. HA! You thought this was going

to be about avoiding mental attacks. It is, but that’s not what I said! HA!

For each attribute roll 2d10, add the two together, then record the score. Do not arrange

as desired, you gets what you rolls.

M r q ^k q T v m b

Now that you have your attributes, it’s time to find out something about your mutant.

Let’s start with what type it is. Roll d100, and then consult the following table to find out

what your mutant type is:

Roll

Mutant Type

01-25

Mutated Human

26-50

Mutated Animal

51-75

Mutated Fish

76-99

Mutated Furniture

The result is what your character was, before they mutated into a hideous freak (albeit, a

hideous freak with super powers.) They will affect many things throughout character

creation, including the following attribute mods:

M r q ^ q b a H r j ^ k : You get nothing. Ha!

M r q ^ q b a A k fj ^ i : +2 to all physical attribute, -2 to all mental ones. Free Mutation:

Tail.

M r q ^ q b a Ffp e : +2 to all mental attributes, -2 to all physical ones. Free Mutation:

Gills.

M r q ^ q b a P i^ k q : +2 to all attributes except Quickness, which gets -5. Free

Mutation: Photosynthesis.

M r q ^ q b a Fr o k fq r o b : +1d10 to all attributes, and then -1d10 to all attributes.

Free Mutation: Tough Hide.

Mutated Plant

A t b p l j b S r m b o P l t b o p

This is the fun part, this is where you get to roll for the super

powers that make your mutant awesome. Or not awesome.

Pray to whatever dice gods you worship, because good rolls

can make you a god, and bad rolls a less powerful god.

First roll 1d10+1. This is how many times you roll for

mutations (also known as awesome super powers). Despite

common belief to the contrary, radiation has no adverse affects on the human body,

unless you think that tentacles that shoot lasers are “adverse”.

Once you know how many times you roll for mutations, you have to actually roll for

mutations. Roll d100, then consult the mutation table. Write down the mutation

corresponding to your roll. Repeat until you have no mutation rolls left.

If you roll the same mutation twice, you get two of those mutations (i.e. no rerolls). Any

die rolls that are listed in brackets are rolled ONCE when the mutation is gained, and that

roll is used forever.

Note: Many of these mutations affect things that have not been explained yet. You’ll

figure out what they mean in the combat section. For now, just enjoy their awesomeness.

Roll Mutation

01 Lasers: You can naturally shoot Lasers. Roll on the Body Part table to see where

they issue forth from. Your lasers do (1d6)d6 damage.

02 Tentacles. You have tentacles. Roll d100, 01-25 they are in place of your arms,

and 26-00 they are in addition to your arms. Tentacles have their own Strength

score (roll 2d10) and can be used to make unarmed attacks for 2d6 damage.

03 Huge Size. You over 10 feet tall. You get +5 to all physical attributes, and +1d6

damage in melee combat.

04 Giant Body Part. One of your body parts is disproportionately large. Roll on the

Body Part table to find out which one. You have +5 to the body part’s key

attribute.

05 Tough Hide. You have naturally tough skin. You gain 4d6 extra Physical HP.

06 Extra Mouth. You have a mouth growing from some part of your body. Roll on the

Body Part table to see where. The mouth can be used to talk, eat, and use breath

based powers (which may be used twice as one action).

07 Wings. You have wings, and thusly can fly. Roll d100, on a 01-25, they are in

place or your arms, 76-00 they are in addition to your arms.

08 Bad Smell. You smell really bad. Everyone (allies included) are at -1 to all rolls

when near you.

09 Telekinesis. You can move things with your mind, just as easily as you can in real

life, except you roll Mental Strength. You can even fight with weapons by

levitating them (using your Mental Strength to figure damage).

10 Pyrokinesis. You can create fire mentally. In addition to being always able to start

a fire, you can shoot fire (dealing (1d6)d6 damage).

11 Psychic Flight. You can fly using your mind.

12 Stretching Body Part. One of your body parts can stretch to up to 10 times its

normal length. Roll d100. On a 00, you can stretch, but you cannot unstretch.

13 Bio Missiles. You can shoot missiles from some part of your body. Roll on the

Body Part table to see where they issue forth from. Your missiles do (1d10+1)d6

damage, and regrow at a rate of (1d6)/day.

14 Electricity Control. You can shoot electricity at people, as long as there is some

nearby (ie a machine that uses power). It does (1d10)d6 damage.

15 Bad Breath. You can shoot your breath at people, dealing 1d6 damage.

16 Fire Breath. You can shoot your breath at people, dealing (1d10)d6 damage.

17 Cold Breath. You can shoot your breath at people, freezing them. They must roll

mental toughness each round to escape.

18 Poison Needle Shooters. You have needle shooters on some part of your body.

Roll on the Body Part table to see where on your body they are. Your needles

don’t actually do any damage, but anyone hit by them is poisoned and will die in

(1d6) days if not given the antidote (which you know for some reason).

19 Claws. You have claws. You can attack with them for (1d6)d6 damage in melee.

Roll d100. 01-50 they’re retractable, otherwise they are always out.

20 Bio Gun. Don’t ask me how, but your body managed to grow a gun somehow.

This weapon does (1d6)d6 damage, and sprouts from a body part determined by

rolling on the Body Part Table. You grow 10 bullets a day.

21 Mandibles. You have insect-like mandibles. You can bite for (1d6)d6 damage.

22 Wheels. You have wheels instead of feet. Your quickness increases by (1d6).

23 Super Fat. You are grossly obese, which gives you super powers! Add 1d10 to

your Toughness, but subtract 1d6 from your Quickness.

24 Blindsense. You can see with your eyes closed. Whoopee.

25 Death Warts. You have warts on your body that can be made to leap off and

explode on people. Every day you grow 1d6 warts, and the warts from the

previous day remain unless you caused them to explode. Each wart deals 1d6

damage when it explodes.

26 Turn into Jelly. You can turn yourself into a goo-like substance at will. In this

form you cannot attack, but you take half damage.

27 Turn into Bugs. You can turn yourself in a mass of bugs at will. When activated,

your body dissolves into 1d1000 bugs. If more then 50% of the bugs are squished,

you die.

28 Cyclopes. You have only one big eye. This gives you +5 Mental Strength, because

we all know mutations have to be helpful.

29 Rotten. Your skin is rotting and falling off, which allows you to… um… you get

plus 1d6 to… let’s say toughness.

30 Extra Body Part. Roll on the Extra body part table. You now have another one,

giving you +4 to its key attribute.

31 Tail. You have a tail, giving you +2 to Quickness, and a lovely tail.

32 Living Hair. Your hair is alive, and can move via your mental command. The hair

can attack for (1d3)d6 damage.

33 Sharp Teeth. You can make a bite attack for (1d6)d6 damage.

34 External Brain. Your brain is on the outside of your body, taking away 5 from your

Toughness, and adding 10 to your Mental Strength

35 Skinriding. You can put on the skin of a dead body and wear it like a suit,

appearing to be that person.

36 Snake Legs. Instead of legs, you have a long snake body. You lose 2 Quickness,

but gain 2 Toughness. Plus you have badass snake legs.

37 Power Tongue. If, at any time, and for any reason, you need to make a roll

involving your tongue, you automatically succeed.

38 Long Tongue. You can lick things at a distance. Let’s also say the licks do… 1d6

damage.

39 Super Speed. Your quickness is +10, and you can run incredibly fast.

40 Cyber-part. You have somehow managed to make part of your body cybernetic…

due to exposure to radiation… I said somehow… anyway, roll on the Body Parts

Table and add +3 to that parts key attribute.

41 Astral Projection. You can become incorporeal, allowing you to move through

walls, and not be attacked. While active, you can’t attack either, except other

“astral” mutants.

42 Grow. You have the ability to grow, gaining +5 to all physical attributes while

large, as well as +1d6 to all melee damage, but you can return to your natural size

at will.

43 Shrink. You have the ability to shrink, gaining +2 to quickness, and -5 to Strength

and Toughness. When small, you can fit into small holes and junk. Or something.

44 Kamikaze. You can will yourself to explode, dealing 1000 damage to yourself and

everything around you.

45 Mind Melt. You can attempt to melt people’s mind. This Psychic attack deals

(1d10)d6 mental damage.

46 Quills. You have quills all over your body. Anyone who hits you with a melee

attack takes 1d6 damage.

47 Ghost Touch. You can transform melee weapons (and natural weapons) into

objects that deal Mental damage instead of Physical damage.

48 Insanity beam. You can shoot a beam that makes people go insane, but it can

backfire. For the attack, make opposed Mental Strength rolls. The loser takes

(1d10)d6 mental damage per success, and then another 1d6 damage per success

each round until they are reduced to 0 Mental HP, at which point instead of dying

they just go nuts.

49 Plague Carrier. You have the plague. Anyone who comes near you must make an

opposed Toughness roll or get it too (which means people near THEM must make

toughness rolls). You (and anyone you infect) take 1d6 points of unhealable

damage/day. That’s right, it’s a mutation.

On the upside, you can shoot plague at people, dealing 1d6 points of damage per

point of Physical HP you spend.

50 Power Absorption. Any time you are hit with a psychic attack, you may make an

opposed Mental Quickness roll with your attacker. If you win, you heal the

damage that would have been dealt to you instead. If you fail, you take double

damage.

51 Acid Blood. Anyone who hits you with a melee attack takes (1d6)d6 damage as

your blood sprays all over them and melts them.

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