{572}{632}Reesa from Manhattan,|you're on the air. {636}{700}{y:i}I date a lot of guys.|I mean, a lot. {704}{776}{y:i}I've had more blind dates than|a seeing eye dog. You know why? {780}{858}{y:i}- I'm on tenterhooks, shoot.|- I'm looking for the real thing {862}{916}{y:i}you're talking about,|but I wanna feel love. {920}{1006}{y:i}The kind where you're so delirious|you can barely breathe or eat. {1010}{1098}{y:i}I'm waiting for Prince Charming who|will pick me up, sweep me off my feet, {1102}{1197}{y:i}- slam me into a wall, and bang my...|- Let me stop you right there, Reesa. {1201}{1273}First, I don't think love|is supposed to deny you of your food {1277}{1368}or oxygen supply.|Love is supposed to nourish you. {1372}{1432}{y:i}Well, I'm just saying|I want the fairy tale. {1436}{1495}{y:i}I want the excitement, the romance,|you know? {1499}{1594}Yeah, I do. This Prince Charming|of yours doesn't exist. {1598}{1645}He's good for a few nights in the sack, {1649}{1714}but his charm will run thin,|which is what charm does. {1718}{1808}{y:i}Well, I hear ya, Dr Lloyd, but what|I'm saying is that I want to be deeply {1812}{1895}{y:i}- and passionately in love.|- You want to be passionately in love. {1899}{1991}I see. You know who's a bigger flake|than your buddy, Prince Charming? {1995}{2077}His brother, Prince Passion.|Reesa, if you are truly serious {2081}{2149}about wanting to find real|and lasting love in this town, {2153}{2209}I'm gonna have to dish out|tough love to you now. {2213}{2262}{y:i}- Uh-oh.|- This serial dating of yours {2266}{2353}is a waste of time. You can't|find something when you don't know {2357}{2428}what you're looking for.|You're playing the field, right? {2432}{2554}Hoping that somebody will want you,|when it's you who needs to figure out {2558}{2634}what it is you want.|Anybody can fall in love, {2638}{2741}but what you deserve is a man with|the emotional maturity to stay in love. {2745}{2853}Don't settle for a boyfriend|when you can demand a manfriend. {2857}{2903}{y:i}I'm not really the demanding type. {2907}{2951}Don't go there, Reesa. {2955}{2999}Hear what she's doing, listeners? {3003}{3095}That is the sound of a woman|who settles for second-best. {3099}{3186}Why do we do that? I mean,|deep down we know we deserve better, {3190}{3263}so why do we keep lowering|our standards? {3267}{3335}{y:i}I devote a chapter|to this in my new book, Real Love, {3339}{3374}which come to stores on Wednesday. {3378}{3493}I've finally learned that unless|you demand real love for yourself, {3497}{3550}you're going to get|seriously hurt out there. {3554}{3616}{y:i}But how am I supposed to know|if love is real or not? {3620}{3719}Spell it out for yourselves.|Is he responsible? {3723}{3819}Is he your equal? {3823}{3917}Is he an adult?|- Are you freakin' blind? {3921}{4007}- And most of all, L: Is he loving?|- That's a ridiculous call! {4011}{4117}{y:i}- Know anybody like that?|- Not really. {4121}{4212}Hold out for it, Reesa.|You'll be so glad you did. {4216}{4292}{y:i}Oh, Dr Lloyd, you are such a lifesaver.|Thank you so much. {4296}{4347}You're welcome.|All right, next caller. {4351}{4415}- Patrick! Come on!|- Where'd she go? {4419}{4535}Hopefully, she went to buy you a muzzle.|Keep your mouth quiet next time. {4539}{4603}- Move it, move it.|- If there is a next time. {4607}{4691}Showtunes. {4695}{4768}Showtunes. {4772}{4822}- More showtunes.|- I like showtunes! {4826}{4904}- Obviously. It's sad.|- Oh, there's the love doctor. {4908}{4960}- I hate that lady.|- My lady loves this. {4964}{5008}- Mine, too.|- Your... your who? {5012}{5069}I mean my mother. {5073}{5134}- What is that?|- You're a beast. {5138}{5239}Next caller.|Sofia of Astoria, you're on the air. {5243}{5323}- Hi. Hi, am I on?|- Yeah. Yeah, here we are. Let's go. {5327}{5445}I'm supposed to be getting married this|weekend, and I'm having second thoughts. {5449}{5541}{y:i}- Second, third, fourth?|- What do you mean? {5545}{5596}Thinking about calling|this off a while? {5600}{5702}Well, I took your online compatibility|test, and I scored a 12. {5706}{5790}OK. That test helps predict|long-term compatibility, caller. {5794}{5854}{y:i}- You're right to consider this...|- Sofia? {5858}{5907}{y:i}...very, very carefully. {5911}{5995}Forty-three per cent|of marriages end in divorce. {5999}{6076}All right? You don't want that.|How long have you known this guy? {6080}{6152}About five months, but he's|a really good guy and all, and... {6156}{6216}But... but... five months? {6220}{6323}{y:i}Sofia, are you scared of being alone? {6327}{6406}{y:i}- I guess so, maybe, yeah.|- 'Cause you know what's scarier {6410}{6474}{y:i}than being alone?|You know what's worse? {6478}{6588}{y:i}Being alone with the wrong guy|for the rest of your life. You got it? {6592}{6650}Doesn't sound like|an average case ofjitters. {6654}{6720}Wait, are you saying|I should call off the wedding? {6724}{6845}{y:i}I'm running out of time, caller,|but you know, deep inside, {6849}{6939}{y:i}what you need to do.|Thank you for calling. {6943}{6982}{y:i}Good luck. {7247}{7281}Knock-knock. {7285}{7351}- Mm, who's there?|- This is your publisher speaking. {7355}{7479}- Mm, we don't want any.|- Read 'em and weep. {7483}{7579}- Oh, really?|- There's only one way to find out. {7583}{7649}No, no. I'm too nervous.|You read it. {7653}{7738}"The doctor is in. {7742}{7833}{y:i}The first book from local talk radio|sensation Dr Emma Lloyd, Real Love, {7837}{7926}establishes Lloyd as the latest|khoja of modern romance. " {7930}{8008}- Latest what? What did they call me?|- Khoja, apparently. {8012}{8087}I don't know what that means.|I don't know how to spell it. {8091}{8151}- K-H...|- What kind of word is khoja? {8155}{8217}...O...|- It's just showing off, really. {8221}{8289}- OK.|- For a popular magazine {8293}{8384}to review a self-help book|and pull out a word like "khoja", {8388}{8494}{y:i}"from the Turkish 'hoca':|A, a title of respect for teacher. {8498}{8570}- B, a wise man. "|- Or woman. {8574}{8635}Oh! Or "C, a sub-sect {8639}{8733}of ancient Ismaili assassins. " Hm. {8737}{8797}- Lets go with A, for teacher.|- I don't know. {8801}{8869}The assassin thing,|I wouldn't throw that out. {8873}{8931}{y:i}- I love New York Magazine.|- Geniuses. {8935}{9008}- Should I write a thank-you note?|- Send a fruit basket. {9012}{9073}Mm. I love fruit. {9077}{9144}Yeah, well, that's|why I'm marrying you, my khoja. {9148}{9263}We're not done.|We're not done with comments... {9267}{9312}- Ah.|- OK. {9316}{9366}OK. Let's see. {9370}{9459}"Dr Lloyd's analysis of love's|dos and don'ts is both insightful {9463}{9529}- and trenchant. "|- Trenchant! What does that mean? {9533}{9606}Is that some kind of fancy word|for "full of shit?" Trenchant? {9610}{9676}- Direct and incisive.|- Gimme a break, smart-ass... {9680}{9730}{y:i}What? I saw it on Jeopardy. {9734}{9816}Why didn't they just say,|"Read the book, ruin your life?" {9820}{9863}Read the sports page to us, huh? {9867}{9942}"Physical gifts can offer|such insightful observations {9946}{10011}into the human heart|is a thing of wonder. " {10015}{10102}- Whoa. Trouble, one o'clock.|- "She is chicken soup for the heart. " {10106}{10149}Oh, my ass! {10153}{10259}- Hey! Hey, Sofia! Sof!|- Uh-oh. Here we go. {10263}{10347}I'm reading about that lady that helped|you plunge a knife through my heart. {10351}{10422}- Very trenchant stuff.|- I can't talk right now, {10426}{10492}- because I gotta be someplace.|- We'll give you a ride. {10496}{10579}Hey, fellas! Stop the truck! {10583}{10665}Sof, come on.|You haven't returned any of my calls. {10669}{10764}- Well, I've been busy.|- Sofia, give the guy a break. {10768}{10839}Talk to him, Sof. {10843}{10947}Oh, don't do that, Sof!|Come out here! Sofia! {10982}{11069}Please come out here|so that we can talk. {11073}{11154}No, no, no, not you, sir.|You can put your hands down. {11184}{11257}- Firemen. We don't arrest people.|- We'll hose you down. {11261}{11387}Sof! I'm not gonna go anywhere|until you come out here. {11561}{11649}I don't understand. You know,|one minute we're gettin' married, {11653}{11746}talkin' about names for our kids,|and the next, because some fruitcake... {11750}{11817}- She's a doctor.|- Of what, Sof? {11821}{11891}Of what? Talk to me, here. {11918}{11975}Patrick, it's over. {11979}{12020}I'm sorry. {12024}{12067}OK? It's over. {12145}{12186}I gotta go. {12319}{12414}All right, show's over, folks! Let's|keep it movin'! What are ya lookin' at? {12435}{12524}{y:i}I met someone I like, but all|my friends tell me he's wrong for me. {12528}{12594}{y:i}- What do your friends say?|- We have nothing in common. {12598}{12623}{y:i}It's just the sex. {12627}{12721}I'm just running away from many more|appropriate men who pursue me. {12725}{12775}{y:i}- Because...|- Afraid of the real thing? {12779}{12804}{y:i}So they say. {13319}{13406}- There's Patrick!|- Oh, Patrick! {13407}{13501}- Patrick...|- Quiet! Leave the man alone. {13505}{13567}Can you not see|that his heart is broken? {13603}{13704}How can he eat when the woman|that he loved abandoned him forever, {13708}{13808}virtually without explanation|and may be, at this very moment, {13812}{13896}cuckolding him with some other man. {14094}{14221}- Good night, everybody.|- Cuckolding? What's that mean? {14997}{15060}- Hey.|- I'll be right with you. {15064}{15146}I'm giving Ann Coulter's|frequent flyer miles to Michael Moore. {15150}{15216}Ajay, come on, man.|This hacking's getting out of hand. {15220}{15317}- You can get into serious trouble.|- Too late. Bon voyage, Mr Moore. {15321}{15375}See the clipping|on love doctor's wedding? {15379}{15432}Who in their right mind|is gonna marry her? {15436}{15505}- Whoever we want.|- What do you mean? {15509}{15558}Check this out. {15638}{15680}- Who's that?...
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