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SUPREME SELF-CONFIDENCE:

The Alpha Man’s Guide to Posture

By Carlos Xuma

S UPREME S ELF -C ONFIDENCE

This work is copyrighted by the author. No unauthorized duplication or presentation allowed.

(Ver. DD-002-8.30.2004)

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Character is the quality of doing what you say you’ll do, long after the spirit of the

moment has passed

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Introduction

Everyone is insecure to some degree. Everyone .

Huh? But what about the President? Or Brad Pitt? They have to be secure to do

their jobs, don’t they?

Nope.

You see, they only have to act confident … and therein is the secret of self-

confidence: You behave self-confident to be self-confident . It’s not a trait that you own

or possess, like brown eyes, or stubby fingers; it’s only there when you demonstrate it.

Much of an actor or leader’s role requires a level of behavioral self-confidence. (No one

would believe our Commander-in-Chief threatening military action if his voice shook as

he spoke.) Hell, I bet the President probably checks in with the First Lady to get a little

reassurance from time to time. The man who isn’t just a little intimidated by the prospect

of leading the Free World every day isn’t the man I want in the Big Chair.

In my opinion, if they were truly confident, actors and actresses wouldn’t have to

date and marry only other actors and actresses. Hollywood is notoriously incestuous. If

these people were really self-confident and aware, they’d realize that they could marry a

‘normal’ person, like a doctor or lawyer, and likely have a better shot at happiness. Alas,

their world has been divided from ours, and stars live in a social royalty that we give

them.

This brings me to my next point: Self-esteem is your acceptance and comfort

with yourself. It is not quite the same as self-confidence , which doesn’t necessarily

require a real underlying foundation to demonstrate.

Self-confidence is the observable portion of your self-esteem. Interestingly

enough, the two feedback and reinforce each other.

For the purposes of this program, self-confidence is the sum of your behaviors

and attitudes that demonstrate your independence and security – not just to women, but

also to the world around you.

What is Supreme Self-Confidence?

Everyone has his or her own personal definition of high self-confidence. For

some, it’s the ability to speak without feeling fear of ridicule. For others, it might be the

ability to parachute out of a plane. For us guys, it’s mostly about feeling that we can

walk up and talk to any woman and not feel afraid of rejection.

The irony of this particular definition is that it presumes that our self-confidence

(how we feel confident about ourselves) is dictated by another person’s reaction . It’s

crazy, really, but it’s the kind of power that men have given to women for hundreds –

even thousands – of years.

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For those of you familiar with the Three S’s in The Dating Black Book program,

Self-Confidence is probably the most important of the three, amounting for perhaps 50%

of the total. It is a demonstrated characteristic, as we discussed before, and it is

primarily action-based, meaning that you can talk all you want, but the bottom line is

that you have to do something to be thought of as self-confident. Men hear words, but

women see deeds. She needs to see you behaving self-confident to believe that you

are. (This is why bragging is one of the most attraction-killing actions you can take for

displaying self-confidence. If you are truly confident, you will show her, not tell her.)

Self-confidence is demonstrated by your overall poise:

You act in ways that are consistent with a self-confident man

You go after what you want

You aren’t afraid to speak your mind

You’re calm, at ease

You’re not impulsive

You act, not react

You’re happy, and other people’s moods never affect that

You are independent. Not needy or clingy

You have goals and activities in life outside of women

I think the ultimate example of a self-confident man is James Bond. Yes, I realize

he’s a fictional character, but there isn’t a movie in that series that doesn’t demonstrate

how a man with impeccable self-confidence would act. The actors that portrayed James

Bond on the screen felt their role, and they made him real. Some of his qualities to

emulate:

Imagination – Creative problem solver

Education – Intelligent and aware

Sophistication – Knows what quality is

Aggressiveness – Going after what he wants

Directness – Telling her exactly what he wants

Physical – Willing to advance and move forward with women sexually

Humor – Ability to tease and not take women (anyone) seriously

If there’s one thing I can tell you about your self-confidence that will help you

understand your situation with women, it’s this:

You will only attract the level of woman that your

level of self-confidence will allow.

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This means, essentially, that if you are too intimidated by a woman, you’ll have a

hell of a time keeping her. You’ll be too busy being insecure to do the right things to

make it work. A little intimidation is necessary and good, because it lets you know you’re

on the right track. If you’re not intimidated at all by a woman, you’re probably playing it

too safe.

The typical male response to his world does not generally demonstrate self-

confidence. Especially in the last forty years or so, where most men have been brought

up by single women and with very few good role models of confident male behavior.

A woman is always trying to test your self-confidence by intimidating you. I hope

that doesn’t come as too much of a shock to you, but it’s very true. She is always testing

to see if she can control you by intimidation. It’s not always conscious on her part, it’s

just a defense mechanism that she’s had installed by evolution to help her weed out the

sissies and the guys who wouldn’t be able to provide for her in the long run. You see,

deep down, women want a man who can provide for them, someone they can lean on

and trust when the chips are down.

Your only response to her can be a complete lack of fear for her. If you behave

as if you’ll do her bidding or let her walk on you, you will fail the test and you’re as good

as gone. If you stand your ground and give her the dynamic tension she needs, you still

won’t get a trophy, or her immediately swooning and jumping into your arms. Therein

lies the rub, as Shakespeare might say. Her reaction to your demonstration of self-

confidence may even appear negative , and she might even try to punish you with

silence or pouty behavior.

“Then, why do it?” you ask. For two very good reasons:

One , even if you were to cave in to get her approval in the short term, she would

lose her respect for you, which is critical for there to be any chance of passion. (By the

way, passion = sex at some point. She’s not going to sleep with you just because

you’re the guy who didn’t make her mad. She’s going to sleep with you because she

feels the crackle and charge of passion . And sometimes that starts out with what

appears to be negative passion. Don’t be fooled!)

Two , you have to be willing to risk her anger in order for passion to develop. You

have to be able to demonstrate that you have no fear – no intimidation – of doing

without her so that she will really want to be with you. Confusing, in a way, but not

really. You must understand this: She will never be attracted to anyone who supplicates

or kisses up to her. On the other hand, if she believes you’re capable of leaving at any

minute, she is going to be more interested and not threatened, since you’re probably not

going to smother her and take away her freedom.

Now, let’s look at the components of true self-confidence, and how they can be

developed to your advantage.

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