The-Nice-Factor-the-Art-of-Saying-No.pdf

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Nice Fac Book 5ths:Nice Factor Book

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nic NO

FACTOR

the art of saying

Jo Ellen Grzyb and Robin Chandler

THE

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Published in 2008 by Fusion Press,

a division of Satin Publications Ltd

101 Southwark Street

London SE1 0JF

UK

info@visionpaperbacks.co.uk

www.visionpaperbacks.co.uk

Publisher: Sheena Dewan

First published in Great Britain by Simon and Schuster Ltd, 1997

© Jo Ellen Grzyb and Robin Chandler 2008

The right of Jo Ellen Grzyb and Robin Chandler to be identified

as the authors of the work has been asserted by them in accordance

with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act of 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any

means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise,

without prior written permission of the publisher.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 978-1-9054745-36-4

2 4 6 8 10 9 7 5 3 1

Cover and text design by ok?design

Printed and bound in the UK by

J H Haynes & Co Ltd, Sparkford

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

vii

Introduction

1

PART 1: Setting The Scene

15

Introduction

17

1 Are You Too Nice For Your Own Good?

19

2 You Weren’t Born Nice

45

3 Whose Reality Is It Anyway?

71

4 Not Nice/Not Nasty: Entering The Middle Ground

93

PA RT 2 : The Art of Saying No: Getting Your Choice Back

113

Introduction

115

5 I’m Sorry: How Language Keeps You Stuck

121

6 A Boundary Is Not A Barrier

141

7 Who’s On Top? Playing The Status Game

161

8 I Never Win: Making Conflict Work For You

189

9 That’s Not All There Is

209

Conclusion

237

The Art Of Saying No: Recapitulation

239

About The Authors

247

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