Giving Feedback
The other end of feedback is giving it. Some people deliver feedback with relish; after all, it's easier to give advice than take it. Some use feedback as a weapon, or offer it as tit-for-tat. For others, feedback is a great way to be critical.
How you deliver feedback is as important as how you accept it, because it can be experienced in a very negative way. To be effective you must be tuned in, sensitive, and honest when giving feedback. Just as there are positive and negative approaches to accepting feedback, so too are there ineffective and effective ways to give it.
Ineffective/Negative Delivery
Attacking: hard hitting and aggressive, focusing on the weaknesses of the other person.
Indirect: feedback is vague and issues hinted at rather than addressed directly.
Insensitive: little concern for the needs of the other person.
Disrespectful: feedback is demeaning, bordering on insulting.
Judgmental: feedback is evaluative, judging personality rather than behavior.
General: aimed at broad issues which cannot be easily defined.
Poor timing: given long after the prompting event, or at the worst possible time.
Impulsive: given thoughtlessly, with little regard for the consequences.
Selfish: feedback meets the giver's needs, rather than the needs of the other person.
Effective/Positive Delivery
Supportive: delivered in a non-threatening and encouraging manner.
Direct: the focus of the feedback is clearly stated.
Sensitive: delivered with sensitivity to the needs of the other person.
Considerate: feedback is intended to not insult or demean.
Descriptive: focuses on behavior that can be changed, rather than personality.
Specific: feedback is focused on specific behaviors or events.
Healthy timing: given as close to the prompting event as possible and at an opportune time.
Thoughtful: well considered rather than impulsive.
Helpful: feedback is intended to be of value to the other person.
FEEDBACK IS A GIFTJ SO LET’S REMEMBER ABOUT...
1. Clarity -- Be clear about what you want to say.
2. Emphasize the positive -- This isn’t being collusive in the person's dilemma.
3. Be specific -- Avoid general comments and clarify pronouns such as “it,” “that,” etc.
4. Focus on behavior rather than the person.
5. Refer to behavior that can be changed.
6. Be descriptive rather than evaluative.
7. Own the feedback -- Use ‘I’ statements.
8. Generalizations -- Notice “all,” “never,” “always,” etc., and ask to get more specificity -- often these words are arbitrary limits on behavior.
9. Be very careful with advice -- People rarely struggle with an issue because of the lack of some specific piece of information; often, the best help is helping the person to come to a better understanding of their issue, how it developed, and how they can identify actions to address the issue more effectively.
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